Friday, February 27, 2009
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My friends and brothers call me one of the craziest person in Singapore..
They also know that I can be the most knowledgeable person about religion,life,the world,the supernatural and lots more...
They either call me an "Ustaz" or a "Freak" when in the crazy state...
Hahaha..
In fact last night,they made me feel accepted and proud of my own self..
They accepted the different sides of me..
They knew of my compassionate side and serious side..
And even my craziest side....
But the thing they praised me the most was my father-figure side...
Danial,one of my brothers,praised my high patience and morality..
He said this,
"Sham,dalam banyak kawan aku ada,kaulah satu satunye yang aku kenal kesabarannye betul2 tinggi..First time aku kenal kau,aku ingat kau ni orang giler mane entah..Tapi sebenarnye kau ni hati mulia ehk...Aku bangga dapat kawan macam kau..."
I smiled and said,
"Alhamdulillah,pengalaman hidup ajar aku macam2 bro..."
Yes,my life experience has thought me alot...
Extreme sufferings,death,family violence and crimes...
I have honestly faced it all..
For a normal person,they would not usually think through what they have done...
As for me,I thank God for opening my heart early or I would be bringing destruction upon myself..
Honestly,thinking about the past would bring tears to my eyes..
All the past visions of violence and sufferings I have gone through is unspeakable...
Then,my other brother,Ian said,
"Sham,macamane kau boleh tahan ngan ni semua uh..Klau aku,aku da jadi gila siol...Aku tak faham uh kau...Cam gini pon kau bleh senyum..Orang kutuk2 kau pon kau layankan..Kau bleh senyum lagi..Klau aku,aku da sepak siol..."
Next he said,
"Tapi kau,Dan ngan Man lah yang aku harap boleh bimbing aku ke jalan yang benar...Aku nak belajar dari kaulah Sham...Segila gila kau pon,kau orang nye baik sangat hati...Aku heran lah..."
You know what?
When he said that,I felt myself wanting to cry..
I know maybe you guyz think that I'm emotional but thats what I am..
For me,its never wrong to show emotions...
We're human after all..
Thinking back,my heart feels both sad and happy..
I have changed alot throughout my life..
I'm glad people realised and praised who I am..
It shows how people appreciates me..
And it shows how much people accepts me...
The past should change you for the future...
But it depends on how you want the past to change you..
I thank God for giving me this journey of learning...
Life is valuable,treasure it..
Don't waste it on the thought of only enjoying and pleasure...
Yes,we're still young..
But what if the day comes when you're going to face death..
Do you still want to have fun dying...?
"The more you enjoy,the more suffering succumbs you..Limit yourself.."
I have quoted that to many of my friends..
But many can't accept it...
They still have the stereotype thinking of only enjoying life is important..
I would always reply that enjoying is part of life...
But have you ever thought of enjoying when facing the thought of difficulties..?
Many people will surrender to the thoughts of difficulties...
They have a weak willpower and faith...
Their mind are clouded with only happiness in mind...
But how can we have true happiness when we can't even face difficulties and sufferings...
No matter how beautiful life is,never take it for granted...
Praise it with limitations...
True pleasure comes from within...
For me,I enjoy life...
Everyone does..But I do it in a different way...
I make myself happy by becoming crazy..
At the same time,entertaining others...
In that moment of craziness,all the stress of the world would disappear slowly..
But when my friends need my advises,I would give the best for them..
Many would ask questions and I would answer them with true logic..
Cause with logic,people would understand better..
And thats where,they will start wondering about the facts..
Again,I'm glad they truely accepted who I am...
To that special person,
Give me a chance and I'll prove it to you...
But its always your choice...
I know its difficult for me and you...
This is reality...
They also know that I can be the most knowledgeable person about religion,life,the world,the supernatural and lots more...
They either call me an "Ustaz" or a "Freak" when in the crazy state...
Hahaha..
In fact last night,they made me feel accepted and proud of my own self..
They accepted the different sides of me..
They knew of my compassionate side and serious side..
And even my craziest side....
But the thing they praised me the most was my father-figure side...
Danial,one of my brothers,praised my high patience and morality..
He said this,
"Sham,dalam banyak kawan aku ada,kaulah satu satunye yang aku kenal kesabarannye betul2 tinggi..First time aku kenal kau,aku ingat kau ni orang giler mane entah..Tapi sebenarnye kau ni hati mulia ehk...Aku bangga dapat kawan macam kau..."
I smiled and said,
"Alhamdulillah,pengalaman hidup ajar aku macam2 bro..."
Yes,my life experience has thought me alot...
Extreme sufferings,death,family violence and crimes...
I have honestly faced it all..
For a normal person,they would not usually think through what they have done...
As for me,I thank God for opening my heart early or I would be bringing destruction upon myself..
Honestly,thinking about the past would bring tears to my eyes..
All the past visions of violence and sufferings I have gone through is unspeakable...
Then,my other brother,Ian said,
"Sham,macamane kau boleh tahan ngan ni semua uh..Klau aku,aku da jadi gila siol...Aku tak faham uh kau...Cam gini pon kau bleh senyum..Orang kutuk2 kau pon kau layankan..Kau bleh senyum lagi..Klau aku,aku da sepak siol..."
Next he said,
"Tapi kau,Dan ngan Man lah yang aku harap boleh bimbing aku ke jalan yang benar...Aku nak belajar dari kaulah Sham...Segila gila kau pon,kau orang nye baik sangat hati...Aku heran lah..."
You know what?
When he said that,I felt myself wanting to cry..
I know maybe you guyz think that I'm emotional but thats what I am..
For me,its never wrong to show emotions...
We're human after all..
Thinking back,my heart feels both sad and happy..
I have changed alot throughout my life..
I'm glad people realised and praised who I am..
It shows how people appreciates me..
And it shows how much people accepts me...
The past should change you for the future...
But it depends on how you want the past to change you..
I thank God for giving me this journey of learning...
Life is valuable,treasure it..
Don't waste it on the thought of only enjoying and pleasure...
Yes,we're still young..
But what if the day comes when you're going to face death..
Do you still want to have fun dying...?
"The more you enjoy,the more suffering succumbs you..Limit yourself.."
I have quoted that to many of my friends..
But many can't accept it...
They still have the stereotype thinking of only enjoying life is important..
I would always reply that enjoying is part of life...
But have you ever thought of enjoying when facing the thought of difficulties..?
Many people will surrender to the thoughts of difficulties...
They have a weak willpower and faith...
Their mind are clouded with only happiness in mind...
But how can we have true happiness when we can't even face difficulties and sufferings...
No matter how beautiful life is,never take it for granted...
Praise it with limitations...
True pleasure comes from within...
For me,I enjoy life...
Everyone does..But I do it in a different way...
I make myself happy by becoming crazy..
At the same time,entertaining others...
In that moment of craziness,all the stress of the world would disappear slowly..
But when my friends need my advises,I would give the best for them..
Many would ask questions and I would answer them with true logic..
Cause with logic,people would understand better..
And thats where,they will start wondering about the facts..
Again,I'm glad they truely accepted who I am...
To that special person,
Give me a chance and I'll prove it to you...
But its always your choice...
I know its difficult for me and you...
This is reality...
5:15 AM
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
5:22 AM
Thursday, February 19, 2009
To Be With You - Mr Big
Hold on little girl..
Show me what he's done to you..
Stand up little girl..
A broken heart can't be that bad...
When it's through, it's through...
Fate will twist the both of you..
So come on baby come on over,
Let me be the one to show you...
I'm the one who wants to be with you...
Deep inside I hope you feel it too...
Waited on a line of greens and blues...
Just to be the next to be with you....
Build up your confidence,
So you can be on top for once...
Wake up who cares about,
Little boys that talk too much...
I've seen it all go down...
Your game of love was all rained out....
So come on baby, come on over,
Let me be the one to hold you....
Why be alone when we can be together baby...
You can make my life worthwhile,
And I can make you start to smile.....
When it's through, it's through,
Fate will twist the both of you...
So come on baby come on over..
Let me be the one to show you....
12:36 PM
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Its Never Easy Even For Me..
I Know Its The Same For You...
7:46 AM
I have anticipated that these would happen...
I should've kept it inside me longer..
Now,I came to pit stop in which I need to hold back...
I need to step back again and breathe...
Its never understandable how such feeling could occur towards that person...
Isn't it weird throughout my thoughts and experience,I would find someone whose traits is quite similar to me...?
But then,isn't it weird too that such feelings could both energize and weaken one's self..?
Its that feeling that most humans would feel..
A feeling that brings happiness but in turn bring sadness..
In all,it gives that individual the feeling of calmness and tenderness through each day...
Its never easy to understand even for myself..
But how can I keep it inside me till the right time comes...??
How could I face all that tension of being pushed away again..?
In fact,I've planted a seed of doubt within that person..
Should it be that way or should I clear that doubt much sooner than I plan to..
If I get it wrong,all hopes will be lost...
Its not that I'm hoping highly...
I'm just hoping within my own self..
But,the thing is all I can do now is hope...
And just keep silent...
It could be a risk of losing that someone,
But its a risk I should take..
Let the heart speaks for itself...
As its knows the true emotional spirit within...
PS: Please...Don't misunderstand my intentions...
7:02 AM
I Know Its Hard To Keep An Open Heart,
When Even Friends Seems Out To Harm You..
But If You Could Heal A Broken Heart,
Wouldn't Time Be Out To Charm You...?
1:09 AM
Monday, February 16, 2009
I dedicated this song to someone recently..
Hahaha..
Its one of the most meaningful songs I've heard..
One must understand it to feel it...
Bunga By Exists
Tak usah ditanya mengapa ku pilih,
Bunga yang mewangi terliar berseri..
Yang tak akan nampak di mata pun,
Berwarni dari lain-lain,
Segan untuk aku sapa,
Walau ada maksud yang ku sembunyi...
Pernah ku mencuba terima seadanya,
Sayang ia selalu calarkan sudut hati ku...
Hingga lelah jiwa ku dikecewa,
Yang tak mungkin berpaling kembali..
Namun ku yakinkan nanti,
Tuhan pasti beri gantinya...
Ku mohon kau yang indah pada mu,
Untuk ku tatap menawar resah ku,
Kekal aku di situ harungi cinta...
Dan aku pohonkan yang baik,
Bersantun kata kata tentang cinta,
Bicarakan rindu pada ku,
Mengharum selamanya...
5:03 AM
Its unnecessary....
Aniway,I'm a Muslim..
And it is said we Muslims should not celebrate such days..
The point is,why celebrate love for ONE STUPID DAY when you can celebrate it everyday..??
Sorry girls...I'm not like other guyz out there...
If I have a gf,i hope she understands..
Not that I don't love her,but its insulting to celebrate love towards each other for a day..
I will love my dearest every single day and passing second..
With the true sincerity of heart..
Not for just a day with roses and stuff..
Its irrelevant..
Seriously...
Malays nowadays....
They sometimes like to imitate the cultures of others..
Well,its not that its wrong..
But is it really proper for a Muslim celebrating a crucial Christian based celebration like Christmas..?
Probably just to get along with friends is fine but celebrating it for the belief is UTTERLY wrong..
Hmm...
Aniway,I'll stick to my principles..
Never to celebrate Valentine's Day..
Just take as a happy day for couples thats all..
Besides,I'll make my dearest feel like a princess every single day she is with me..
I dare swear that...
If only I could find the right one...
Maybe I have....
But time doesn't permit me...
We'll see how it goes...
There alot I need to know and understand about that person..
God willing...
4:38 AM
Sunday, February 15, 2009
*sigh*
I've been feeling different lately...
My control of my temper has suddenly ceased...
I just dont know why...
Is it because I having been too much pressure in my head...?
Pressure of family matters..?
Pressure of my footballing career..?
Pressure of my studies...?
Or maybe pressure of my friends..?
I cant seem to know the reason...
Maybe i vent in too much anger inside me for almost a year...
A possibility that suddenly burst my anger and frustrations towards my fellow brothers..
I'm really sorry guyz....
I didn't know that i would suddenly snap and burst it at you guyz...
Damn it...
Well,the fact is right now,I'm using all the anger i have in my football...
The more I'm angered,the more i perform...
I don't know why..
Hahaha
I work harder when I'm angry...
Hmm...
I need to work harder and push myself further right now..
I don't want to disappoint myself in every game I played in..
This is my top priority...
I need to build discipline and focus in my football...
Coach,watch me...
And to that someone I recently knew...
You came into my life without me knowing it..
Appearing in the the void of partial darkness I'm in..
I was thinking....
Its this a new challenge for me or a fated meeting of two similar hearts...?
You cleared most of my doubts and gave me great confidence within my heart...
Proving to me that you're something much more special than any I have known...
But the thing is,I know I can't hasten my feelings..
Its not the time..
And its not the right time for you either..
Time is still giving us a chance...
From any other,I'm only focusing on you altho there are others waiting...
But you...Only you...
Maybe you are the one..
Maybe you will be the one..
God knows..
I'll stand behind time and see what happens..
As for now,I'm giving my great focus in reaching greater heights in football and studies..
God give me strength and patience...
My future is unknown..
Lest there's a clue and light that i should seek to knows the coming...
Insyaallah...PS: Surprisingly,you are the only person i think of every night,every day...
7:24 PM
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Pabila esok datang kembali..
Seperi sedia kala,
Di mana kau bisa bercanda ...
Dan..
Perlahan kau pun...
Lupakan aku...
Mimpi burukmu..
Dimana telah ku tancapkan duri tajam..
1:52 AM