Monday, June 30, 2008

Am I Important To You..?

That Is The Question....

Cos To Me You're Much More Than Important..

You're EVERYTHING To Me...

Do You Feel What I Feel..?

Can U Feel Whats Beating Within My Heart...?

5:05 PM

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Aku melintasi malam sepiku tanpa dirimu di sisiku kekasih...
Rasa sesal yg selalu menghantuiku di saat ku campakkan dirimu manis....

Walau kini engkau sudah menjadi miliknya,
Aku tetap cinta..
Ku harap engkau kembali untuk maafkanku..

Bunga,beri aku satu kesempatan lagi..
Jangan sampai ku mengemis padamu..
Bunga,ku berjanji kali ini akan kutepati..
Kerna aku lelaki...

Sudah ku mantapkan hatiku untukmu..
Hanya engkau yg mampu mengerti aku..
Tinggalkan dirinya kembalilah padaku..
Hanya aku yg mampu memahami...

Sudah tutup saja mata..
Lupakan semua yg telah terjadi...
Mari kita mulai lagi satu kisah cinta...

Kembalilah Sayang..

7:06 PM

Di Hatiku Masih Ada Cinta...

Kembalilah Kekasihku Sayang...

Ku Rindu...

4:39 PM

Im still in the midst of your shadow...
Waiting for your words...

I would never want to see you cry...

Never in my heart would i bear to see you hurt so much..

Tried my best to make you relieved...

Maybe i failed to do so..

The thought of that makes me feel that i never did enough...

I'm glad you realise your mistakes...

But I dont care about your mistakes towards me..

All i care about is.........you know well my dear what i want from you....

And guess what,im waiting for to you to say it..

Those words,

Is such a precious gift to me...

Cos my wound wont be healed even by anione else...

Not even by someone who is the same or has the exact copy of your face...

Make me full again..

Im half a man now till u say it........

Kiranya Hujan Membasahi Dirimu,

Itulah Airmata Dari Hatiku...

Meghitung Hari-Hari Bersama...

3:04 PM

"Sedarkah u..? Usah u ragu tentang i.."

Itukah maksud u..?

Itukah maksudmu..?

Dibayangkan oleh ku seolah kau milikku..

Cuma aku menanti jawapan yang tak pasti..

Bagai tiada penghujung,diriku kau lukai dahulu..

Mengertilah kasih yang aku amat menyintai dirimu itu..

Mengapa malu dan membisu hantui diri kita....??

Takdirlah penentu segala...

Its nice seriously to write your own metaphors of feelings...

It just came into mind when you're in a calming situation..

This piece i've written is actually for a darling of mine..

Enjoy... :)

2:57 AM

Kasih diumpama sekurun hujan di lautan..

Tak mungkin kan tawar rinduku pada dirimu..

Inilah janjiku...

kepadamu yang anggap kekasih..

2:50 AM

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Its alright, Im okay

I think God can explain...

I believe Im the same...

I just get carried away..

Im relieved,Im relaxed...

I'll get over it yet...

9:15 PM

HEARTBROKEN!

AND SO IT HAPPENS.....

in the end,it doesnt even matter at all...

5:04 AM

I miss you whenever im awake...
I miss you whenever im asleep...

Everyday I wonder watcha doin..
But im afraid to ask..
Cos i dun wanna make u confused..
Ur wit someone else now..
Im nt here to force out ur feelings for me..
Im never that way...

But still,im still waiting alwaes..
Looking out in the background like a demon lurking for a sin..

Im still loving you...
I hope U will too sumday..
Sometime...
Or even now...
Thers no need to hide..
Whats ther within..?

2:49 AM

Cant stop posting some of my comedic videos..
But this will the last video posting..

2:46 AM

Another of my comedic videos..
Enjoy it guyz..
Cos its for the fun of old memories..
This was made 2 years ago..
:)

2:37 AM

see this video guyz..
its sumthin me n my frens made up wen we were in sec 4..hahaha..
Memories..
U guyz wil enjoy it.
i assure u..
ahahaha..
Happy Watching!!!
hehehe..xD

Love You Still No Matter What..
I Hope You Realise..

2:16 AM

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

This is somethin i wrote late in the night yesterday..
Got an inspiration while i was staring at the midnight sky..

hope u guyz like it..

Here goes.......

Aku yang kehilangan dalam diri sendiri,

terkurung dalam bayanganmu..

Gelak ketawa engkau bagai bertahun dulu,menyerengku ke syurga kita..

Itu mimpi yang terkenang..

Membuat aku terbuang,tika memapah semangat yang masih ada...

Cerita silam ini menjadi racun bisa,

Dan kini aku pun melara..

Terlemas di dataran,

Dilambung ombak hidup,

Pun aku masih menantimu..

Akan tersingkapkah cinta yang telah sekian lama kita dodoikan bersama di mimpi ngeri..??

Biarpun maseh tergagah menjulang cinta yang fathah..

Sebenarnya aku kesepian dan aku masih cinta..

Diri ini penuh luka yang tidak akan tertutup,

meskipun ada pengganti seiras wajah..

4:04 PM

Friday, June 20, 2008

Haven slept yet..

Cant sleep..

its already 7.18am..haha

Been thinking about that person...

Yes that special person..

Been thinking,with my sadistic words,

ive put alot of thorns into that person's heart..

but im angry,im just angry..

is it wrong to be angry?

its a 2 way question..

can be confusing....

Im sorry..

I miss that person..

Alot..
But anger stil burns inside me..

Burning with my pain..

My bro advised me to be patient and ignore...

Alrite..i'll try my best..

but that cant stop me from admiring her elegance..

For now,i'll just walk away with a piece of my heart thats full of painful thorns...

Aniway,got scolded by my coach yesterday..

damn...

My performance is goin down...

My fitness is also down..

My focus and concentration is also down....

Later in the evening i will be training and sweating myself out on stamina and body strength..

the next day,be training my touches and will be jogging from Admiralty to Yishun and back to Admiralty then to Marsiling without stopping on my tracks..

the end point is gonna be Marsiling..

thot of goin over to hav a glance of her house..

haiz..

this will go on till Wednesday..

Gotta buck up on my fitness and technical skills..

S.League is just around the corner!!!

argh!!!

Fight for my place!!

COOLSHIT!!

And i do miss you..

And i alwaes dream of you being by my side...

But its better to go for that guy....

Im not worthy yet..

I realise that....

Someday,we will be back facing each other full-heartedly..

If you know what i mean....

(Listening to the song "Restu"..haiz..)

7:00 AM

Seriously..
Im reali bored now..
For the ferst time in 6 years,i said the word "bored"..
hahahaha..
great isnt it...??lol

One statement for you my dear...
GOT NOTHING AGAINST YOU BUT SURELY I MISS YOU..

well,here goes..
wat i wrote..

This goes out to someone that was
Once the most important person in my life
I didn’t realize it at the time
I can’t forgive myself for the way I treated you so
I don’t really expect you to either
It’s just... I don’t even know
Just listen…

You’re the one that I want, the one that I need..
The one that I gotta have just to succeed..
When I first saw you, I knew it was real..
I’m sorry about the pain I made you feel..

That wasn’t me; let me show you the way...
I looked for the sun, but it’s raining today...
I remember when I first looked into your eyes..
It was like God was there, heaven in the skies...

I wore a disguise 'cause I didn’t want to get hurt..
But I didn’t know I made everything worse...
You told me we were crazy in love...
But you didn’t care when push came to shove...
I guess you forgot about the times that we shared..
When I would run my fingers through your hair...
Late nights, just holding you in my arms...
I don’t know how I could do you so wrong....

I knew you gonna sit and play this with your new man...
And then sit and laugh as you’re holding his hand...
The thought of that just shatters my heart...
It breaks in my soul and it tears me apart...
At times we was off I was scared to show you..
Now I wanna hold you until I can’t hold you...
Without you, everything seems strange....
Your name is forever planted in my brain...

What about when you..
Looked into my eyes..
Told me you loved me..
As you would hugged me...

I just wish everything could have turned out differently..
I had a special feeling about you....
I thought maybe you did too....
You would understand, but…

Our first day, it seemed so magical...
I remember all the time that I had with you...
We hit it off, I knew it was real...

Reach in your heart, I know I’m still there....
I don’t wanna hear that you no longer care...
Remember the times?
Remember when we kissed?
I didn’t think you would ever do me like this..
I didn’t think you’d wanna see me depressed...
I thought you’d be there for me, this I confess...
You said you were my best friend, was that a lie?
Now I’m nothing to you, you’re with another guy..
I tried, I tried, I tried, and I’m trying...
Now on the inside it feels like I’m dying..

And I do miss you..
I just thought we were meant to be..
I guess now, we’ll never know...
The only thing I want is for you to be happy....
Whether it be with me, or without me....
I just want you to be happy...

4:32 AM

Saturday, June 14, 2008

(This post below guyz,is a remininsce of illogical understanding from a certain blog..

And now let me counter these unreasonable and funny reactions...u started the fire,i'll play along with it...)

Friday, June 13, 2008
This is from someone's blog.

Im sick of reading this.

And he keep complaining. ( he said he didnt )

Everything to me now is very blurry..

And now i think everyone is so fake..

everything is just so messed up..haiz..

n now it will be reali difficult to trust the opposite sex again.. (i dont think so, we will see)---> ok could be true..

The only people i truly trust are my foster family..Y must it be this way..? ( well, this is life, its either you face it or leave it. )---> am i stupid enuf not to think about that?? sheesh..

i knw im such an asshole sumtimes but it seems that ive been played around too much..(because you never think out of the box) ---> like as if u did...ive been thinking out of the box all these times..thinking i could trust your conception..

Ive kept my hatred intact in my heart for all the other previous relationships im in.. (really?)----> oh yes...i always do..but YOU dont..

But thers one that i just cant hate.. (you are hating her right now, u just dont realise it)-----> i dont...dun make ur own decisions..but i know you are trying to make me...give up...

i just dont know why... ( because you thought you know everything)-----> well i should say the same thing to you..but still i believe i only give conclusions,not saying im right in everything i said..unlike you...

Im just too lost for words in describing her.. ( so, why should you decribe her?)-----> Cos i know her..isnt that a stupid question..??u have a mind and brain dont ya?

altho i admit,she may have some attitude problems sometimes...(like me..)

(Well, she do have attitude problem. And its all because of you)-----> oooh..and now you are blaming me again..? the attitude problem thats from you comes from your own stubborness and EGO..and stop trying to cover your own mistakes...

Still,if you dont reali love me,stop pretending from the start.. ( why should she pretend? The feelings werent really growing, coz you making it fade)----> again..blaming someone else for its own purpose..well,isnt it dumb to say that we shldnt compromise on a small mistake..? face it,u used me as someone to take out your loneliness on..and u were waiting for me to make a mistake so that u cn throw me away like trash..where-else,this person loved her full-heartedly all the while...

Dont apologise when you actuali do it over and over again... ( Do what? She love him and nothing you can do)---> I didnt stop you from loving him..who does..? but u purposely add more and more pain after every apologies...isnt that unjustified..? think about it..do YOU like it when i'll do the same to you...?

That night,you got a piece of my mind..

But still,i will control myself frm being my past self... (you keep saying that)-----> its called sayin it to remind our ownself to control oneself..and it also serves as a warning...please understand it clearly...

who can be very violent and uncontrollable.. (you should learn how to control it)------> I have been controlling it all these time didnt i..?so y shld u say that huh? isnt it obvious...?

I dont want to go back to those days.... ( no one asked you to)----> yeah..no one did..and for your info,this statement refers to myself..and not asking about someones opinions to ask that certain person to go back to the past...please,state what you said with wise thinking...

And i dont want you to be blamed for it... (and yes YOU ARE BLAMING HER, Please read what you have type!)-----> ok this is funny...when in the world did i ever blamed you huh? from what i see all these time,its been YOU who is blaming me...

And please remember this,he may say the three words,but u never know what his true intention are..( She know alright, She is strong enough to overcome anithing)-----> yea maybe...but you never know...and dont talk cocky...

The same goes to you.. ( you wouldnt understand how it takes)-----> the same old words from time to time..."you wouldnt understand.." i dont even think u would understand yourself..

And what i predicted have been right all along about you.. (predicted?!?! are you for real?!? you know nothing about her)----> another funny statement...i was not refering to your personality or character..i was refering to what your intentions were in the ferst place...understand this better please..u may read it more than twice if you have to..

I will always remember the promise i made.. (just forget it)---> give me a reason why..
I will hold on to it.. ( dream on)----> everyone dreams..its just how u make it real..

We'll see what happens... ( Hanya ALLAH sahaja yang tahu)-----> wallahu'alam...

For now,i'll keep everything inside... ( you never keep anithing to yourself)-----> oh i do aite...i still keep alot inside...dun make me burst it out on you..u'll regret it..

and ladies and gentlemen,thats the end of our debate for today..

i hope u had fun reading this..

and to you out ther,think wise and twice before "u buat andaian sendiri.."

3:05 PM

Friday, June 13, 2008

If you cant accept what i expressed from my mind,you may not know enough about yourself..

im not here to criticise,nor to hate..

like you,i have the right to express my feelings..

we both do..

its whether you learn or you dont..

and dont hate me for this..

its a matter of time till things turns out well,at least for you and maybe not for me..

i hope for the best for you..

and i hope nothing goes wrong for you...

but life can be a turn-around..

with things you will never be capable of handling like you think you would..

but wat the heck,will you care..?

hmm..

remember once u asked me whether i wont regret being with you.?

well,i never do regret like you think i would...

cos i found a sparkle in my life when i found you..

thats why i always had faith in you..

no matter how much we fought,

no matter how much we vulgaritise each other(which i dont usually..),

i never gave up on you..

So im trying my best to see you happy,

trying my best not to get jealous,
trying my best to make you realise..

as a guy,i understand what HE is goin thru..

choosing between 2 loves..

it is difficult..

but then think out of the box,(and maybe ive been thinking on your behalf..),

things may not be what it seem..

i may not want to explain further...

And i hope you dont take this as an insulting matter to you..

cos im not..

im just sayin what i should say to you in a written yet decent way..

i hope you understand..

Its never my intention to hurt you deep with my words..

I can understand if you cant accept such things...

And by that,harsh words will be exchanged from you..

Normal...

If so,I deeply apologise my sins to you...

For what ive done,i will face myself always..

I still love you no matter how much you hate me..

Im still holding on to that single thread...

11:25 AM

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Everything to me now is very blurry..

And now i think everyone is so fake..

everything is just so messed up..haiz..

n now it will be reali difficult to trust the opposite sex again..

The only people i truly trust are my foster family..

Y must it be this way..?

i knw im such an asshole sumtimes but it seems that ive been played around too much..

Ive kept my hatred intact in my heart for all the other previous relationships im in..

But thers one that i just cant hate..

i just dont know why...

Im just too lost for words in describing her..

altho i admit,she may have some attitude problems sometimes...(like me..)

Still,if you dont reali love me,stop pretending from the start..

Dont apologise when you actuali do it over and over again...

That night,you got a piece of my mind..
But still,i will control myself frm being my past self...

who can be very violent and uncontrollable..

I dont want to go back to those days....

And i dont want you to be blamed for it...

And please remember this,he may say the three words,but u never know what his true intention are..

The same goes to you..

And what i predicted have been right all along about you..

I will always remember the promise i made..

I will hold on to it..

We'll see what happens...

For now,i'll keep everything inside...

4:13 PM

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

ARGH!!!
BEEP TEST LATER!!!
DIE!!!
DAMN!!!!

ARRGHH!!!!

2:53 AM

Biarlah aku luah segala pahit getir yang kupendamkan..

Semoga terkikis sayang..

Sengsaraku keranamu...

Dahulu pernah engkau berjanji kan setia ke akhir hayat..

Kita merancang bina mahligai atas dasar cinta suci..

Dari hari ke hari semakin sayang padamu..

Apa saja yang kau mahu aku turutkan..

Kau pinta ku jujur selalu dan setia bersamamu walaupun ada kala hatiku kau guris..

Sedangkan aku menunggu hari yang paling bahagia,kau pula merubahkan fikiran..

Mudahnya kau memutuskan hubungan sedangkan kau belum tunaikan impian kita..

Hari ini kau gembira..

Mungkin esok kau berduka..

Ku berserah pada Tuhan menentukannnya...

1:59 AM

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Ehem..

Today was such a dreamy day for me..

Yea..

its like i'm dreaming..

I cant stop hallucinating about her everywhere i go...

And it feels like i want to be alone always....

and i mean...ALONE...with no disturbance...

Like to relax my mind and think ...

Enjoying the breeze n humid air passing thru my face and body..

Then,think about the times I had with her..

Smiling alone like one retarded asshole..

but i dun care wat ppl say...

She's what I love and immortalise in my mind and heart..

I wonder what she is doing now..

Altho im still mad at her,well,at least im still watching...

Everythings is so blurry and everyone is so fake..

Everybody is empty and everything is so messed up..

You know that i'll protect u from all of the obscene..

You know that i will save u from all that is unclean..

I wonder watcha doin and i wonder where u are..

Thers ocean in between us but thats not very far....

I MISS YOU!!!

argh!! but i dun wanna sae it..

it'll be better for her...

O yeah..

Got training later in the morning with S.League guyz at 9am later..

At Hougang Stadium...

Joining Sengkang Punggol FC soon...

Insyaallah...

Alhamdulillah rezeki melimpah secukupnya..Syukor...

haix..

lastly,

the pain is painful inside me..

but im keeping my head up and holding on..

I'll used the pain as my own weapon against future challenges..

Can you take all the pain away my dear??

I hope u will...

Me And Sengkang Punggol T-Shirt..hahaha.. xD

12:06 AM

Friday, June 6, 2008

Hingga ke saat ini ku pelbagai persoalan tak henti melanda..

Buntu ku memikirkannya...

Kau memilih diriku di atas dasar apa...?

Apakah kerana cinta atau hanya pelepas sepi cuma...?

Waktu bersama mu banyak benar kenangan yang kita ciptakan bersama..

Dan satu darinya kau bersyahdu bahawa aku takkan kehilanganmu..

Susah payah kita semai benih cinta,merempuh dugaan..
Akhirnya kau tinggalkan...

Sia-sialah ku bina istana cinta andai insan lain dihati mu bertakhta..

Hingga ke saat ini ku masih terkenangkan saat-saat yang indah...

Nyata kesudahan aku parah..

10:48 PM

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I dun wanna know..
Cos my heart cant take it animore..
I dun wanna know how much you love him..
cos u dunno how much i love you...

so dun think u cld understand the true feelings within my heart...
its never understandable..

the best i can describe,
I LOVE YOU with all my heart,soul and my lifeforce....
Can you sacrifice all of that just for love..?
i dun think you would cos i will right in front of your eyes sumdae...
Haiz...
Miss you..

4:41 AM

waddup..
yea..
ehem..
hahaha..
sori..

aniwae,after watchin the Singapore VS Uzbekistan game on tv,i vowed to become a much better player than the present Singapore players..
i hate how they play sometimes..
i even got a headache watching them..damn..

I just got an offer from the Sengkang Punggol management..
2 contract offers i shld say..
1 is a Prime League contract and the other is an S.League contract..
Was smiling when i saw the 2 contracts..
Such luck i have..
But thers a twist..
I have to get 12.6 on ,y beep test to get my Prime League contract..
And to get both contracts,i have to get 13.1..
Die..
Beep Test is a killer to me...
So exhausting..
haiz..
Well,got to do my best...'
Its my dream..
And i need to get into the National Team back...

And yeah...
i alwaes miss her..
Everywhere i go,she's my only happy drug...
its ok if she's not physically with me..
I feel happy just loving her from far...
waiting and waiting....
I want her to be happy..
and she has sumone else in her heart right now..
its ok...
altho its painful to know,its part and parcel of life...
I love her with all my heart but its better i keep quiet about it..
dun wan her to get stressed up and confused...
Let it be that she should be happy...
haiz..
I miss her so much...
I just hope i could just hug her and run my hand thru her hair...
but i dun wan to take advantage of myself and my feelings...
I'll be patient...

I pray that she would came back to me..
I pray that she will alwaes be my everything..

12:08 AM

Monday, June 2, 2008

I really miss her..
Every single day..
Every single passing second,
I'll be missing n loving her more..

But I'll be strong..
I know sumdae her heart is willing to accept and love me again...
someday the light will shine again for me..
But for now,i will be in the darkness..
I just gotta face it..
Behind every challenges,theres a ray of hope...

I love you with all my heart my dear...

5:56 AM

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Cuba engkau dengarkan sesuatu dari hati..
Semoga engkau tahu tujuanku..
kedatanganku ini atas undangan rindu yang memaksa diriku mencarimu..
Hanya dirimu yang dapat membalut lukaku..
Bagi diriku,kau masih ku kenang..

Biarpun engkau sudahpun hidup bahagia,
tapi salahkah ku melepaskan rindu menatapmu sekadar waktu..

Tak perlu kau bertanya tentang kepiluanku..
Tentu kau lebih tahu segalanya..
Dan mengapa ku rindu....

3:55 PM

Yea..

its been a long time since i posted anitin..

i created a new blog..

been thinkin about it actuali..

i miss her..

but she misses sumone else..

well,i cant do aniting...

i'll alwaes love her..

smoga pintu hatinya terbuka suatu hari..

haiz..

1:57 PM

Demi sumpah mu,ku bina istana cinta..
Nilai adat dan pedoman ku jadikan pegangan ku..
Tak pernah pun terlintas untuk aku menduakan mu..
Apa lagi mengguris hati pada mu yang ku anggapkan Kekasih..

Sungguh ku terkilan bila aku disingkirkan..
Dicemuh penuh hinaan dengan sewenang-wenangnya..

Bagimu cinta saja tak mampu untuk membina mahligai impianmu bak kencana
Berdiri alasan mu,mengetuk pintu sengsaraku sehingga hati ku berdarah...

Biarku mengalah dari aku kian parah...

1:40 PM

TESTING 1.2.3.
First blog. I'll update more soon :D

dezarus

1:10 PM