I Act So Brave But Im Shaking Inside Without You..

2011-02-13T09:15:00.003+08:00

I tried to be perfect,
But nothing was worth it...
I don’t believe it makes me real...
I thought it’d be easy,
But no one believes me..
I meant all the things I said...

This place is so empty..
My thoughts are so tempting...
I don’t know how it got so bad...
Sometimes it’s so crazy,
That nothing can save me...
But it’s the only thing that I have..

I tried to be perfect..
It just wasn’t worth it..
Nothing could ever be so wrong..
It’s hard to believe me,
It never gets easy...
I guess I knew that all along...

ps: its never meant to be this way...

2011-01-03T02:30:00.004+08:00

I know now where I could come to in times of despair...

You know now how much you mean to me...

Let me show you proof by my own actions...

I will carry that burden together no matter what the circumstances...

Cos its my responsibility to protect and care...

And my duty to adore you with each smile as our bond...

Come...

And never regret me...

2011-01-03T02:15:00.003+08:00

To GOD, please hear my cries...

KepadaMu Kekasih,

Aku berserah..

Kerana ku tahu Kau lebih mengerti,

Apa yang terlukis di cermin wajahku ini,

Apa yang tersirat di hati

Bersama amali...

KepadaMu Kekasih,

Aku bertanya...

Apakah Kau akan menerimaku kembali..?

Atau harus menghitung lagi,

Segala jasa dan bakti...

Atau harus mencampakku ke sisi,

Tanpa harga diri...

Hanya padaMu Kekasih,

Aku tinggalkan...

Jawapan yang belum ku temukan...

Yang bakal aku nantikan,

Bila malam menjemputku lena beradu...

KepadaMu Kekasih,

Aku serahkan...

Jiwa dan raga,

Jua segalanya,

Apakah Kau akan menerima penyerahan ini...?

Apakah Kau akan menerimaku,

Dalam keadaan begini..?

2010-12-05T14:24:00.002+08:00

wow,this blog of mine is full of dust! ( not literally lah )

anw, i miss this blog of mine...
haha..
alot had happened lately..
and i reali mean ALOT...

life is as usual..
has its ups and downs..
and im back to square one with her...
and i've been trying to make plans for our future..
whoa..
can be so stressful sia thinking about it...

army is as its usuals..
bored and hectic..
but still I have the time for her,brothers and football...
I'm quite happy with I have now...
but damn, worries will surely haunt me again..
sigh..
i dunno..
lets just wait and see what happens...

2010-01-31T16:54:00.003+08:00

I have often told you guys stories about the way
I lived my life a drifter,
Waiting for the day...
When I take your hands and sing you songs
And maybe you would say,
"Come lay with me,love me.."
And I would surely stay...

But I feel I'm growing older...
And the songs that I have sung,
Echo in the distance...
Like the sound of a windmill going around..
I guess I'll always be a soldier of fortune..

Many times I've been a traveller,
I looked for something new...
In days of old,in nights of cold,
I wandered without you...
But those days I thought my eyes had seen you standing near...
Though blindness is confusing,
It shows that you're not here..

Now I feel I'm growing older..
And the songs that I have sung,
Echo in the distance...
Like the sound of a windmill going round..
Guess I'll always be a soldier of fortune..

I've matured to know the great responsibility I have to carry for my family and my life...
I realise the change to myself now...

2010-01-24T17:15:00.003+08:00

I'm A Very Strong Guy Physically..

But I'm Not Really Strong Mentally And I'm Honest About It..

I Keep Alot Of Things To Myself Cause I Don't Trust Many...

But That Is Always The Cause Of My Distress In Life..

Still,I Don't Know Why It Is So Difficult To Speak Out...

Can Anyone Please Help Me...?

Please.........

Bestie,I really need you right now...
I'm starting to feel my sanity is crumbling slowly and slowly...

2010-01-17T15:07:00.003+08:00

Perjalanan Hidup Ini Sudah Tertulis...

Ku Tempuhi Dengan Kesabaran...

Ku Sedar Kebesaranmu Tuhan....

ps: 2 months seems like a very ling time..

2010-01-10T17:19:00.003+08:00

You Opened My Heart...

And Made Me Fell On My Knees Hard...

But Now,I'm Still Wondering...

Will I Be Fooled Again...?

I'll Watch And Observe What'll Happen In The Future...

I learnt a great deal of lesson....

Now I wanna see if you learnt yours...

2010-01-10T16:25:00.002+08:00

Extracted from the song "Terperangkap Dalam Sinaran" by Hanafie Warren
Dont Be Too Easily Blinded By Happiness Of Life...

Terperangkap dalam sinaran...
Sinaran yang menyilaukan mata...
Dari kegelapan terpercik sinaran..
Yang menjanjikan keindahan...
Tiada kusangka,
Telah berjaya mengejar cita-cita...
Tapi malangnya,
Semua yang indah hanya sementara saja..

Ku terperangkap dalam sinaran,
Yang mengkaburkan mata setiap insan..
Hidupku yang tenang sekarang bergelora,
Kerna ku terpedaya silau cahaya...

Ingin ku temui pengertian,
Dari celah-celah sinaran..
Kini ku sedar makna sebenar,
Kilauan cahaya cumalah khayalan...

2010-01-03T12:37:00.004+08:00

After hearing the tragic story of my dear's sis,I think back...

Many guys out there make a shame of us MAN by treating woman like some kind of trash..

I pity many women out there that had their love fooled around...

Why Guys...?

Why did you guys have to hurt the person who truly loves you?

I guess as a guy myself,I should be able to understand such behaviour from such men...

Well,to be frank maybe I do...

But,reasons from us may be unfair and are just excuses to the opposite sex..

So there's no use blabbering about it...

But think,if you were a real man,then cherish and take responsibilty of the ones that truly loves you after you sworn an oath of loving them whole-heartedly..

I hate being asked the question,"Why are all MEN the same?"

That question itself can leave me speechless without a good answer..

Wanna know why?

Cause there are BILLIONS of men out there...!!

With different characters and personalities...

How can ONE MAN answer a question regarding BILLIONS of MEN??

Why must ONE MAN take responsibility of SOME IRRESPONSIBLE MEN that treats the opposite sex's love like trash whilst the minority of other MEN is MAN enough to treat love as a something precious in their life..

I'll be frank to myself...

And I'm not here to boast about it..

I have never cheated on the one's I love..

Never once before..

But I had some fair share of being cheated by women myself...

I'm not saying that "ALL WOMEN ARE THE SAME"...

But this is reality...

This I had accepted with an open heart..

We as humans living in reality,know that hearts of humans can change...

But what the hell...

Lets face it,if we want love between two different genders to be everlasting,

We have to be responsible for each other..

Give respect and understanding...

Sometimes small fights can be essential too so as to be able to know one another deeper..

So there....

Cmon guys,lets cherish the opposite sex...

Its not always that woman could love us as who we are...

Make their love as precious as our lives...

Then there will be no sayings such as "MEN ARE ALL THE SAME.." or "WOMEN ARE ALL THE SAME.."..

But lets be honest,this may unlikely be possible to be put in BILLIONS of heads in the world..

HAHAHA...

Sigh..

I wish I could be loved myself...

Hahaha..

I'm daydreaming again...~

Be strong and be headstrong...

2010-01-03T12:27:00.002+08:00

Damn...
I'm booking in soon...
So before I get back to camp,better update my blog..
Haha...

Had a great time with my Braders during the Countdown Festival..
Too pictures...
Strolling around...
We did many things that I myself cant even remember...
But overall,everything was great...
Saw the firworks at Marina Square...
And you said it,it is PACKED with people...
Made me uncomfortable to be frank..
Haha...
I hate places that is packed with people..
But nevermind,for once I had to be in such packed places...
Just to enjoy the view of the fireworks...
Hehe...

Oh yeah,my NS life has been great...
Except for those "Tekan" part,everything is well..
My commanders has a mutual understanding with us..
So we blend quite well...
But when it comes to work,dude...
You never know what they will do to you..
And I really hate thinking about it...
Hahaha..

Getting my first NS pay this week..
So who wants a treat from me...??
Hahaha..
Message me and I'll think about it...

And now,I'm just watching some cartoons and all..
Just killing time...
Will be packing up to camp soon...
Chows!

2009-12-31T00:36:00.003+08:00

I've been having many thoughts in my mind everyday..

I have to make many difficult decisions in the future...

Let me state it out...

Should I sign on as a Police Officer?

Should I continue chasing my dream to become a footballer.?
Should I sign on as an Army Commander In ADF?

When should take my bike licence?

What do you think?

Its not easy deciding when it concerns your own future..

I'm still thinking through everything...

By the way,my coach,Aide Iskandar still wants me to go and ply my trade in football..

I believe he has faith in my ability..

Thanks coach....

Well,I really want to continue my football..

But I have think through my decisions...

Sigh...

Love?

HAHAHAHAH!!

Sometimes this "Love" could humour my life alot..

To be exact,not sure if this is really the proper time for me to focus on it...

I don't know if the opposite sex could even understand me and my character...

Hahaha...

So yeah,lets put all that aside first...

But IF there's someone out there who could open my heart,

I'll think through... :P

Aite aite...

Seriously damn it,I have to kick around at the court soon...

I'm craving to beat the hell out my opponents with my tricks..

So who's up for the game...

PS: I know you guys miss me alot..Thanks guys for appreciating me...

2009-12-27T13:30:00.004+08:00

Ok guys,sorry for the long wait in updating...
Was in camp for whole 2 weeks in confinement...
In short,I was posted to Maju Camp in the 6th Singapore Infantry Regiment...
a recruit for now...Hahaha..
So yup..

Anyway,made many new friends...
Some are "belo",some are "clowns" and some are effing retard..
To be exact,there is alot of different people from all walks of life that you could have never met before in your life...SERIOUSLY...
Well,nevermind that....

2 weeks in camp opened my mind alot...
I thought alot of things in life..
Although you do not even have time to think about anything,
well I guess I kinda squeezed some time to think... HAHA..

To be honest,at first I kinda got frustrated joining the army..
I always wanted to join the Police Force.
But as time past by,all that frustration slowly fades away..
Guess I have to go through it all the way...

I learnt and realised many things in my days there...
When you're in there,you WILL realise that your family is the greatest thing in your life..
And the one who loves you and cherish you are the only one you should really love and care about...
If you cant understand this,I hope you will..
Cause you will someday realise who you truly cherish in your heart..

Well,its a New Year soon..
And thus we have to bid goodbye to 2009 and welcome 2010!!
I've made a new resolution for myself..
Haha...
Wanna know?
Well thats for me to know and for you to find out..!! HEHEHE!!

2009-11-25T04:19:00.005+08:00

I think Kenit is dreaming that he's flying... Baek uh boy!

Well someone once told me that you'll end up lonely,

Don't let love ever pass you by..

Cause I've seen it happen to people that matter to me with my very own eyes...

Maybe they were mistaken and I should be waiting for you to show me a sign..

Or should I just let you know that if I let you go I'd wonder the rest of my life....

If I sing you a song would you sing along?

Or wait till I'm gone...?

If I give you my heart,would you just play the part or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful?

Am I catching up to you while you are running away to chase your dream...?

I'm just trying for your love...

But I'm happy enough just seeing you flying free across the sky..

Cause the higher you go,the closer you are to me...

FRHNH.....

2009-10-24T16:20:00.002+08:00

*sob*sob*

I'm so sad I can't play professional football for the next 2 years..

WAARGH!!

Nevermind....

Must finish my NS first..

Then easy life....

*motivate myself*

To the Miss Tanglin Mall,

Love your presence in my life always!!

Woo!

Cheers....

I WANT TO PLAY PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL!!

AND I WANT MY DEGREE!!!

*sigh*

Life

2009-10-24T02:07:00.003+08:00

Wow..

Been long since I updated my blog..

I promised myself,no more EMO EMO...

Hahaha..

Well,life has been fine this time round...

Been coping well..

Has its ups and downs but all is well..

Severed ties has been patched back...

Past sins have been forgiven...

Disputes has long been settled...

Knowing more friends in life....

It feel nice... :D

And yeah,

Thank God my fortune these days have been totally great...

But one thing i regret till now is my performance in FOOTBALL..

Coach Aide gave me hopes for me to achieve greater heights...

But I have not been up to his expentations..

It reali disappoints me to see him disappointed..

Damn..

But still,nt giving up yet..

Still holding strong...

Still headstrong....

Oya guyz,I'm serving the country soon...

Aing~

Baru nk serve NS pe boi~~

-_-"

Posted to Maju Camp as 6th Battalion Infantry Regime...

Siiaaan~~

Will be enlisted on the 11th December 2009..

Bye world..

I Love You All..

HAHAHAHAHA!!

lol rofl lmao!!

Thus I guess,a new life will start for me...

And after all that,I'll be a real man...

Aing~

Okok...

I dunno what to post actuali..

Effing lost...

errr..

I'll post another later..

Hehe..

2009-09-26T02:51:00.003+08:00

Selamat Aidilfitri To All..

And to my friends and buddies who sent all those wishes,

I greatly thank all you guyz.. :D

May all of you be blessed...

The festive season of Hari Raya this year isnt that much "happening"..

Jyeah...

Maybe because of the economy crisis...

Or maybe its because I'm grown up..?

Hohohoho...

Abang-abang shey...

HAHAHA...

Well besides that,everythings going fine..

Football is as usual..

All day training hard...

Just stay on top and on form..

Wah...

Seriously tiring...

I'm really pushing myself...

And I've met someone new...

Someone special...

Hmm...

We'll just see...

I need to investigate more...

2009-09-10T10:59:00.002+08:00

This here goes to that certain someone...

I guess I have to move forward...

And be open minded...

Extract of Menghapus Jejakmu by Peterpan...

Terus melangkah melupakanmu..

Lelah hati perhatikan sikapmu..

Jalan fikiranmu buat ragu..

Tak mungkin ini tetap bertahan..

Perlahan mimpi terasa mengganggu,

Ku coba untuk terus menjauh..

Perlahan hatiku terbelenggu,

Ku coba untuk lanjutkan hidup..

Engkau bukanlah segalaku,

Bukan tempat untuk hentikan langkahku..

Usai sudah semua berlalu,

Biar hujan menghapus jejakmu..

Lepaskan segalanya.....

Lepaskan segalanya.......

2009-09-07T08:47:00.002+08:00

2009-09-07T08:04:00.003+08:00

I forgot to tell you guyz one more thing....
I am GOING GAGA over Michelle Phan...
MICHELLE PHAN!!!
Damn she's cute...
My Bestiee call me "mentel" cos i watch her videos every night..HAHA
You guyz must watch her videos on youtube and learn some make up things..
Looking at it,I really think it would be very useful for girls out there..
Very valuable tips..

She SO CUTE!! ARGH!!!
HER SMILE MAKES ME GO CRAAAZZZYYYY!!!

That smile~~~
*MELTS*

2009-09-07T07:38:00.001+08:00

GOING TO GYM TODAY TO TRAIN ON STRENGTHENING!!

More Work To Do...

2009-09-07T06:59:00.003+08:00

Wow..
How time flies...
Ahaha..
Yeah its been 2 weeks of fasting...
It kinda really excites me..
Dude,2 more weeks and it will be Lebaran!!
How great is that..?!!

Haha..
Well,life goes on as per normal..
Alot of ups and downs too..
That to be assured will always happen in everyone's lives..haha..
And yeah,alot of frustrations to even in this good holy month of Islam..
Frustrations on myself i guess..
For not performing and not showing my best...
Yeah what else...
Football....

For your guy's info,
Even in this fasting month,we have to train really hard.....
I even nearly blacked out during training because of the intensity..
But eventually i managed to fast still by God's grace..
Still training hard...
Still pushing myself to the limit...
Still proving...
And still chasing that dream....
Hmm...

Moving on,
Geylang Serai this year doesn't really deliver much vibe in comparison to previous years...
Truly disappointing..
Well,at least I get to too taste some "dendeng" after break-fast..
SODDAP!!!haha..

Soon,gotta go for medical screening for NS...
Like lazy like that..
Adoi...
What excuses again i should give to coach..?
Hmm..
Die..!

2009-08-21T06:53:00.004+08:00

SELAMAT BERIBADAH PUASA DI BULAN RAMADHAN INI!!!

2009-08-21T05:46:00.003+08:00

I would like to wish all Muslim Salam Ramadhan Al-Mubarak..

In case you're wondering what Ramadhan is,

Its the month in which many people like me are excited of..

Its the month of fasting!!

Woohoo!!

I'll continue in Malay..

So if you'll excuse me.....

Alhamdulillah..

Bulan Ramadhan pun da tiba...

Hehe..

Best uh...

Rasa dan perasaan bila tyme Ramadhan ni laen dari bulan-bulan yang lain..

Dan aku tahu korang pun agree ngan aku kan..?

Ahah..

Dalam bulan ni kita dapat merasakan perasaan yang lain dari yang lain bila berpuasa tu..

Di bulan ni lah banyak yang pegi shopping kat bazaar geylang tu semua...

Biaselah...

Nak shopping barang-barang keperluan Syawal yang akan datang..

Haha...

Ada beli baju raya larh..

Beli langsir...

Ade plak yang sampai senget beli KERETA BARU geng!!..

Haha..

Tu da kecoh...

Hahaha...

Tapi yang pasti,puasa tetap puasa...

Yang tak kuat dan tak cukop kuat tapi sebenarnya kuat harap badan jek besar abes tu tak puasa macam matrep2 dogol nak step kuat kat luar tu,

Memalukan diri jek larh....

Kalau setakat rokok kecik sebatang gitu korang takleh lawan,

Drop on the water face siols....!!

Blah lah budak-budak hingus ni semua...

Kalau yang wanita tu datang bulan boleh difahamkan larh..

Tapi anak jantan kuat tak kuat puasa...??

Adoi...

Jangan kahwin sudah...

HAHAHA....

Ok sebenarnya kan,

Aku da lama plan macam-macam bila tyme puasa ni...

Aku nak start kuat uat ibadah....

Nak start refresh ngaji balek..

Nak kuatkan sembahyang...

Nak banyak uat amal...

Senang kater aku nak dekatkan diri dgn Tuhan..

Insyaallah...

Jadi kalau aku tak banyak cakap tapi banyak senyum tu,harap fahamlah..

Taknak uat maksiat mulut...

Hilang pahala amalan aku semua...

Kepada rakan-rakan di luar sana juga,

Join lah saya uat ibadah banyak-banyak yer..

Buanglah tabiat dengki mengutuk dgn mulut "laser" tu yer...

Tak baik...

Nanti kene sendiri,marah..

Bile nak game...?

Maen game kat XBOX lagi best...

Hah...

Anw,training will go on as usual...

Yup...

And games will now be held at night..

Maybe after "buka"..

Heart for football..

Passion for football...

Puasa-puasa gini larh yang uat aku lagi ade tenaga nak training..

Yeah!!

Kepada Cik Farhana,

Sebelum sayer start berpuasa ni,

Saya nak jujur dgn hati sayer larh yer..

Saya rindukan awak banyak sangat...

Walaupun saya tak tunjuk pun..

Kalau ape-ape yang sayer cakap atau tanya awak tak suka,

Saya tak pasal...

Saya nak awak tau sayer prihatin sgt ngan awak..

K best...

SELAMAT BERPUASA SEMUA!!!

2009-08-21T05:38:00.002+08:00

Selamat Menjalankan Ibadah Puasa Kepada Umat Muslim di Seluruh Dunia...
Kuatkanlah Amal Ibadah Kita Dan Kuatkanlah Iman Agar segala Amal Yang dibuat diberi Ganjaran Pahala Yang Besar Untuk Esok Hari Mahupun Dunia Atau Akhirat Nanti..
Insyaallah...
Kepada Rakan-Rakanku Di Luar Sana,Usah Mengutuk Dan Menghasut Di Bulan Yang Mulia Ini..
Teguhkanlah Iman...

2009-08-13T05:39:00.006+08:00

In certain parts of our everyday lives,
Sometimes we like to comment and give certain negative and positive feedbacks about certain things..
Thats normal..

But what I hate about most people is that they usually love to make insults and slanders behind people's backs..
I myself,to be frank,likes to comment about people..
And frankly honestly state that there are certain personas that i dislike in many people..
Yup..
And I seriously speak it out to them faces..
But only on certain appropriate situations..
As you can see,I don't badmouth people behind their backs...
Unlike some people...
Cowardly brats who only have courage hidden behind their tongue..
I'd rather you cowards hide behind Yo Mama's Ass..!!
But whatever it is,these type of people have alot to learn..
And I don't really hate them...
I just detest their character of negativity..
But still they are my friends...
I don't get pissed off that easily because of slander they made..
But if I do get pissed off,they would know that they do not even dare get near me...
Well,lets just put that aside..

There is a certain emotion that we humans cannot control no matter how hard we try..
Its LOVE...
Yeah...
Publicly speaking,I'm not here to lecture about love to anyone..
Just wanna share a few things that I'm experiencing..
I had fallen for countless women..
No matter how much i fell for them,
I could hardly doubt that it is true feelings of love..
Sometimes we need certain experiences to explain love..
We cannot just explain love by means of logic of the mind..
Its what people call unexplainable...
We can even love although we thought that we don't..

I have loved so many so much..
But still,through certain stupid reasons and decisions,it failed..
I had learnt alot going through these experiences of heartbreak..
And I can surely say,that heartbreak in love hurts alot..
So excruciating that sometimes you feel like you're going insane..
But now,I'm still trying to find that true meaning of love..
Through ups and downs and in addition with my weaknesses,
I hope that love will accept as what I have become..
But I can change if that is what love expect from me..
I'll wait patiently for it...

I loved this certain beautiful-hearted girl so much..
But she has big doubts..
Well maybe I guess she had cleared her doubts by now...
Or so to speak,
Maybe I should just accept the fact..
I'm not such a tough guy after all huh..?
Hahahaha...

Ok guyz,I'm not being emo here...
Just once in every summer that I would wanna talk about this..
Understand this though,don't play with fire or you'll get burn..
( Although its not even related to the topic I'm talking about..HAHAHA!)

*when there is a will,there is always a way...

2009-08-13T05:19:00.006+08:00

Bukan Cinta Biasa

Kali ini kusadari,

Aku telah jatuh cinta...

Dari hatiku terdalam,

Sungguh aku cinta padamu...

Cintaku bukanlah cinta biasa,

Jika kamu yang memiliki..

Dan kamu yang temaniku seumur hidupku..

Terimalah pengakuanku,

Percayalah kepadaku..

Semua ini kulakukan,

Karena kamu memang untukku...

Cinta ku bukan cinta biasa..

Jika kamu yang menemani,

Dan kamu yang temaniku seumur hidupku..

Terimalah pengakuanku..

2009-08-08T02:58:00.003+08:00

Its been long since I had a true hug from someone...
Whatever it is...
I NEED THAT HUG AGAIN!!!
It gave such comfort that I felt all my worries were gone...
Seriously..

Lets talk about "sacrifice",
In life,certain sacrifices is always made...
And those sacrifices sometimes bring either good or bad consequences to ourselves..
Sometimes we are forced to do such sacrifices so as not to give burden and have an adversary in life..

I had made alot of sacrifices,
Both small and big sacrifices..
And this time round,
I have to make another sacrifice for the sake of the happiness of certain parties in life..
Told myself,
"I made alot of big sacrifices in my lifetimes before,so why not this small sacrifice..?"
I had to make a decision..
Although I'm pretty weak in these types of decisiveness-based types of problems..
Haha...

Aniway,I will be having a game against Tampines Rovers later in the afternoon..
I guess,my clone and idol Noh Alam Shah will be there too..
Hehehe..
I have to play my best tomorrow...
Wish me luck guyz..
I'll update more soon...

*behind every man's success,there is always a woman..

2009-08-07T05:30:00.003+08:00

Yada yada...
I just bought a new weapon to my collection...!!

The Tiempo Legend III...

Woot

It looks like this..

ok thats all..

i'll post something new soon!

2009-08-01T03:53:00.003+08:00

I'm at my brother,Wawan's house right now...
Happily singing in the wee hours of the morning and all..
Hahaha..
Great fun..

Anyway,I just heard this certain song that reminds me of a certain someone..
2 songs to be exact..
Titled Until The Time Is Through by 5ive and Karam by Zabarjad..
Its kinda nostalgic..
The emotion running through your head and heart..
And all the memories..
It sometimes bring both pain and smiles..
Heh..
The power of music..
Well,all I can say now is that she is leading a much happier life now..

Other than that,football is doing quite well..
My confidence,touches and turning are impressive even to myself..
Haha..
My shots are pretty impressive too.
Except that it lack a little of accuracy..
Need to work on that..
Coach Aide (AIDE ISKANDAR THE LEGEND) gave some words of advises for me to work on..
Thanks coach..
Appreciate it..

Ok life has been ok..
As its always have been,there is still ups and downs..
Used to it i guess..
Tell all you guyz something,
I a very silent guy at home you know...
Haha..
I rarely talk at home..
Talk when necessary..
Hurhur...
(I don't know why I'm telling you this..I just felt like it..Haha..)

Aite..
Thats all I guess..
I'll post something more interesting next time aite..
Hahaha..
Meanwhile watch this video below..
One of my favs now..hahaha

2009-07-25T01:34:00.003+08:00

An ex-girlfriend of mine dedicated this song to me..
Its a malay song...
And she described some of my character through this song..
Someone who never shows anger to his love ones..
But when to the limit,he will just walk away and ignore..
Thats me..

Diammu Gunung Berapi By Exist

Timur,barat,selatan hingga utara.
Setiap saat tiap ketika.
Mencari tak berputus asa ku melangkah.
Terasa dekat boleh disentuh.
Namun hakikatnya kau terlalu jauh...

Engkau yang penyayang..
Pemaaf,pengasih..
Berkali engkau kukecewakan..
Ku tetap tak sesisih..

Kau bagiku bagai gerbang yang sentiasa terbuka..
Sabar dan tenang menanti setiap ketika...
Kalau pun marah tidak ketara..
Aku terus lupa hadirmu dipersia...

Tidakku sedari diammu gunung berapi,
Tiba-tiba sahaja meledak membinasakan semua...
Tiada lagi buatku gerbang terbuka,
Kesalan kuterlewat tiba..

Aku kini perahu tidak berdayung..
Ingin kau kudekati kusentuh,
Namun hakikatnya kau jauh...

To that special person who dedicated this song to me,
I know we were once together,
And now maybe you would want us to get back..
But I'm sorry to say,
I'm backing off for now..

And I appreciate that you noticed my character of silence before..
Thank you for the song..
Be in touch..

2009-07-24T05:31:00.004+08:00

Had an intense training yesterday...
So intense that I injured my knee and got knocked hard on the chest by a teammate's knee till I nearly passed out...
Wow...
Even someone as physically strong as me cannot stand such tremendous pain..
Damn..
After all that,had runs for 3 sets...
3 round a quarter of the field for 2 mins...
Freaking exhausting!!!
-_-"
Oh well,all that is for the good of our own performance..
No pain no gain.. haha..

Anyway,I had a talk with my bro,Wawan..
Talked about life's difficulties and all..

Every family has their own problems...
And some of us have a way of dealing with it...
Its either we don't care or we care...
I detest people who do not care of the welfare in their family..
I'd rather they don't be in a family if they are not ready to share the ups and downs of the household..
Frankly speaking,I know some "friends" who has this character...
I don't hate them but I hate their attitude towards all this..
But then,words won't work on them...

I had my big share of ups and downs in a family crisis..
And I can dare say that my family problems are unbearable for you guys who are reading this right now..
Maybe most of you may never understand...
And maybe some of you will say,"If its unbearable,how did you cope.?"
Simple...Its "mature thinking and will of responsibility.."
I had to cope most of my life with depression and hostilities ..
And many more..
I wont share much but this are just part of it...
I respect my mother so much for being to bear with my father for the past 3 decades of her life in this marriage of hers...
It hurts me so much to see her suffer so much in life without making her feel so accepted..
All that aside,I greatly thank her for bringing me into this world..
And I hope,with my existance I would make her life much more comfortable and happy...
God willing,I'm willing to sacrifice my life for her...
I swear...
I don't ask for money...
I don't ask for food and drinks...
All I ask from her is that she must always be in front of my eyes and never disappear...
I can't imagine the pain I would go through if she's not here with me....
I swear to God I can't imagine that unbearable pain...

The pay I got from my football career and my other job,
I use it to help out to pay some bills and groceries for the household...
And I rarely use the pay I got to enjoy with friends..
Altho I do once in while use some of it to watch movies or hang out with my brothers,
But I try to limit with the thought of my family in mind..
I'm not saying this to make myself proud..
I did and had done many several bad deeds myself...
But I know you guys think of family everyday too right..?

And for that,to all you guys who are reading this...
For all the sacrifices your parents made for you,
DO NOT,and I'll say it again,
DO NOT ever take advantage of their love towards you...
Although you may get all the money and things you ask from them now,
Remember and think,what if they were not there for you..?
Is money going to bring them back..?
With the chance of time that God has given you,
Use it to show and prove that you are in state that you are more thankful and not a spoiled brat who only thinks of asking money from your parents..
SHAME ON YOU who only thinks of self comfort....
Be more responsible and appreciate the hardwork that they have put themselves in to feed you..

I apologise to anyone who is hurt after reading this but I have to post this to put some sense to unappreciative people who don't respect their moms and dads,
Or simply put it,PARENTS...

I'll post my next post soon...
Thanks for reading..

Again I apologise...

With regards,
Dzul Dezarus..

2009-07-23T00:28:00.003+08:00

Alright alright..
Things in life we should never take it for granted..

Why..?

Cause when you do,you become more and more useless in the coming future because of your own arrogance...

Well,time and time I advise people but sometimes things never go to their head..

Nevermind then....

Haha..

I speak,you decide and do the action..

Being someone recognised in every aspects is never easy..

Some people wants to take the easy way..

But have they ever thought that the 'easy way' makes your life more miserable and lost..

And thus,I prefer the hard way..

Where criticism is widespread and patience is importanise..

I had to go through the hard way to get myself on top..

And you know what? It pays...

I even cried for it...

And when you get what you dreamed of,you embrace it with pride and joy..

Cause all of that comes from great hardwork and hardship..
And all the sweat and tears you gave out paid its greatest rewards...

Again I would never take the easy way to success..

You'll dread and regret it..

Next,I would like to talk about my life...

Its been hectic...

Family tension and responsiblity is increasing...

Fact of growing up in a low-income family...

As the eldest son in the house after my two big brothers got married,

I carried a big responsibilty of giving assurance of comfort in the family..

Yeah...

It feels too early as someone as young as me to carry such responsibility..

But I'm proud of it..

It feels like I've become a real man..

Thus it shows in my character...

And my football life,

It has been going well..

I'm becoming more of a regular player in the team...

Much praises and words of advise came..

I cried in last week's game because of the disappointment of my performance in the game..

I only scored a goal..

But that was not good enough for a win..

We lost 2-1 in the game against Geylang United...

Had a chance to go against an S.League defender..

Guess what?

He's not even near the standard against mine i guess..

But still,we lost..

Great disappointment i had on myself..

Gotta buck up and work harder..

Get that brain and muscles moving..

This time much more intense than before..

Haha..

Alright...

Anyway,been thinking of signing on as a policeman...

Still thinking though..

Any ideas and advise..??

Tag me yeah...

Alright then,

I'll post again next time...

Till then..

Woots...

"I Love My Hair"

HAHAHA! xD

2009-07-17T04:02:00.008+08:00

Yay!!
I finally can make this hairstyle..
Woohoo!!

Soon,maybe in the next 2 months,my hair would be longer..

Hahhaha..

Highlighting my hair soon..

Weehoo!!!

i miss you Ana Farhana..

Altho I'm trying my best not too...

*sigh*

2009-07-15T16:52:00.003+08:00

Ok this might sound a little jiwang...
But I cant bear this animore...

Bersamamu ku lewati,
Lebih dari seribu malam...
Bersamamu yang ku mahu,
Namun kenyataannya tak sejalan...

Tuhan bila masih ku diberi kesempatan,
Izinkan aku untuk mencintanya...
Namun bila waktu ku telah habis dengannya...
Biar cinta hidup saja...

Terlerai kini ikatan yang dijanji..
Lalu aku sendiri lagi..
Sekian lama bersama,
Kita terpisah..
Terasa kini semua keperitannya..

Bercinta semua milik bersama...
sehingga tak mengira peribadi..
Tak pernah ku mengguris meluka hati...
Suratan yang menentukan ku harus sendiri..

Sukarnya untuk aku melupakan..
Terasa kini bagai kegelapan..
Aku pun dapat merasakan pengoranan ku sia-sia..
Yang terpaksa melepaskan semuanya..
Harus aku yang dipersalahkan...?

2009-07-13T02:13:00.006+08:00

Guyz!!

New phone!!

HAHAHA...

WOOHOO!!

After getting my bonus pay from my club,

I bought a new personal device for myself...

Samsung Preston S5600..

Its touch screen!!

Abang-abang touch-screen skrang...~~HAHA!

Woo..
Its looks like this one below...

So guyz,I have a new number now...

So if you guyz want it,tag me on my tagboard..

I'll give to you..

But don't delete my old number..

Cause I'll be using both..

Hee..

So yea...

Reaching my goals and with hardwork..

Chiows!!

2009-07-05T22:35:00.002+08:00

Dude,I'm An Emo!!!
Hahaha..
Wth..

I'm Not Larh..
Sorry Ehk..
I Just Like To Pen Down My Feelings Thats All..

People Call Me The God Of Smiling for A Reason..
You People Should Obviously Know Why...
HAHAHA..

Ok Dah...!

2009-07-02T16:37:00.002+08:00

I can't believe you had the nerve to say the things you said..
They hurt so bad that they ended our relationship..
I can't believe it, 3 and half months gone down the drain..
How I wish things would have happened so differently..
I tried to save as many times but still you couldn't see..
You kept insisting and resisting that you would not fall again..
Now I just wouldn't wanna try...

2009-07-02T02:54:00.005+08:00

Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?

Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?

When they know they're your heart,

And you know you were their armour..

And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her..

But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?

And everything you stand for, turns on you, despite you?

What happens when you become the main source of her pain..?

I don't wanna know where your whereabouts or how you moving..

I know when you in the house or when you cruisin..

It's been proven, my love you abusing..

Undecided, I came and provided..

My undivided, you came and denied..

Just keep it on the low..

Cause my heart can't take it anymore......

2009-07-02T02:08:00.004+08:00

Another day has gone

I'm still all alone

How could this be that you're not here with me..?

You never said goodbye..

Someone tell me why did you have to go,

And leave my world so cold...

Everyday I sit and ask myself,

How did love slip away..?

Constantly girl you're on my mind...

And girl I think about you all of the time..

And eventhough words are hard to say,

Girl I miss you, never thought I'd feel this way...

If you keep on taking,

My heart you'll be breaking so why do you do this to me?

You know how I'm feeling,

Its you I believe in..

Baby can't you see that I need you...??

You know that its true,

Everytime I see your face I miss you baby..

You know that its you,

I want to let you know you're driving me crazy..

I'd do anything to help you to see,

I don't think you understand what you're doing to me.

You know that its true..

Every now and then I want to call you baby.

You know that its you..

I say a prayer that you'll come back to me lady..

Life ain't anything alone cant you see..?

You're an angel in my eyes everyday...

2009-06-27T08:19:00.003+08:00

Wow...
Last night was such a "kecoh night"..
Spend more than 12 hours with my bros at Marsiling and Republic Poly Basketball Court..
Dude..
It feels great mayne...
Laughing,playing football,playing cards and all..
From 4pm till now...
I'm not even asleep yet...
HAH!!
-_-"

I'm keeping too much inside larh...
My face don't alwaes show what i feel...
Those close to me knows that..
Cause I'm a smiley freak!
But yeah...
Aching heart...
Anger building up constantly like a silent volcano waiting to erupt....

Rela hati perhatikan sikapmu.....

Frankly speaking,
I feel like crushing something right now...
Something solid...
Something breakable...
I WANT TO SNAP!!!
But not yet....
Not yet....
Sabar gek...
Tunggu masa dulu...
Jangan sampai dilepaskan dendam...
Tak bagus...

Things happen but we don't really know why...

2009-06-24T06:39:00.006+08:00

Let me openly say...

Even devils like me cry tears...
Cause of the heart that has been embeded within myself..
The heart that shows reality and existence...
The reality that depicts the cruelty of existence..
And the existence that poets how beautiful life can be...

So again i say...
Even DEVILS like me may cry for an existence of life...
And that is what humans call LOVE...

Thus LOVE makes the circle of life INFINITE...

*i wrote this with the intention of expressing..

2009-06-22T08:35:00.002+08:00

A Song Dedication...

A song dedication to Ana...
Something I promised her on her birthday...
Its quite due but I guess I still have to fulfil my promise..
So yeah....
Enjoy...

2009-06-21T19:20:00.003+08:00

I've been posting shit lately...
I've deleted some of them...

Kinda stressed out these days...
Gotta get my feet back on the ground....
And let football do all the talking...
WOOTS~

2009-06-20T20:12:00.004+08:00

You know it beats me how people control their emotions...

Some obviously do not know how to...

I don't know why I should talk about this...

But hey...

Maybe for expressing means..

Heck...

So yeah...

I kinda not getting sleep that well..

Too much thinking I guess...

Alas I fell asleep at around 8am in the morning...

Shocking huh...

Yeah....

I was on the phone with someone from 1am till 5am..

Talking about things...

I just needed someone to talk to to...

Yup..

I got to know some things about myself that obviously is and literally true..

I am an UNDECISIVE PERSON....

I WANT TO PLEASE EVERYONE BUT I HURT MYSELF IN THE PROCESS ALWAYS....

And my biggest weakness is that I ACTUALLY CARE TOO MUCH...

and that too in the end hurt my own self..

sigh...

Well...

I accept the fact that I am such a person..

Its never easy larh..

I have no one these days to talk to...

I feel down sometimes...

Luckily there are things that pull me away from all that tension..

I FEEL LIKE SHOUTING MY LUNGS OUT!!!

seriously....

Damn...

2009-06-18T04:54:00.003+08:00

Yo..

ok guyz...

For ur info...

My right knee is officially damaged...

I had a splintered bone around the joint area...

But who cares..

No one cares..

Even she doesnt cares...

sigh..

And later I'll be going to the hospital to have a check up right after sending my mum for her check up too..
Don't worry..

My profession as a football player won't halt..

Injuries to me are all souvenirs of life for me..

Dude,i miss her so much..

Every day and every night..

But till now every word i said always seems wrong to her..

Hmm...

All I need is just a little patience...

"Setiap kesabaran ada anugerahnya..."

But that question i asked,to me its never wrong...

Its fine with me if you said "No"..

Or maybe a "Yes"..

Is it that difficult...?

sigh..

Nights so cold without your flame...

I just feel un-needed...

Aside from that...
I'm having this chronic illness called Insomnia right now...

It prevents people from sleeping and all..

My head is spinning right now...

Urgh...

I just hoped she understand my heart has always been sincere..

I just need that trust and attention...

**Change that mentality of yours my dear...

2009-06-15T23:43:00.003+08:00

Pada sayangku Farhana...
Selamat Ulang Tahun Sayang...
I love you so much...
From the depths of my heart...
The song above is for you..
Please listen to it..
Forgive my mistakes in the past..
I love you...

2009-06-15T08:45:00.003+08:00

Words can't express what you mean to me..

Eventhough you're gone,we're still a team..

To your family I'll fulfil your dreams....

In the future can't wait to see,

If you open up the gates for me..

Reminince some time...

The night they took my friend..

Tried to black it out but it plays again...

When this rift feels hard to conceal,

Can't imagine all the pain I feel..

Give everything here half your breath..

I know you still living your life after death..

We miss you....

2009-06-15T08:35:00.004+08:00

In Memory Of A Close Friend Who Have Gone To Meet The Creator..

Al-Fatihah...

Ahmad Rizal Bin Abdul Ghani..

You my brother was a one of the most special people on my life..
All the laughter and joy you have given us will always be remembered...
All the mistakes you have ever done we will always forgive...
And for me,losing such a close friend and brother is a very emotional thing for myself...
I had always loved you like my own brother and family...
It made an impact on me so hard that I feel I can't let you go..
And by God's permission,you left holding my hands..
Such honour for me to let me be the last to be by your side when you left...
With all my heart,we miss you...
We miss you...
As I wrote this,tears are falling just like falling tiaras...
May your soul be blessed..

14/6/1990-3/6/2009

Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat dan ditempatkan bersama yang beriman...

2009-06-12T03:14:00.002+08:00

FARHANA!!!

I'm feeling nervous and unstable all over~~~

I'm to blame for all this...

*sigh*

2009-06-11T06:08:00.005+08:00

Its 6.24am right now...

I just cant sleep...

I've been thinking of her non-stop...

Did I make a mistake of letting go...?

Cause I'm feeling the pain of emptiness without her...

I just really need her..

That smile..

I need to see it...

Please...

I'm falling...

I'm falling too deep...

I don't care anymore...

I just can't live without knowing that she's by my side...

Damn it!!

What have I been doing...?!

I thought my decision would resolve problems...

But the fact is,I'm bringing pain upon myself...

I'm going CRAZY!!!

I'm probably not that strong after all..

My days are so cold and lonely...

Each night I taste the purest of pain...

You mean a lot to me....

Too much....

2009-06-10T23:57:00.015+08:00

Lying in your arms...

So close together...

Didn't know just what I had...

Now I toss and turn..

Cause I'm without you...

How I'm missing you so bad...

Where was my head...?

Where was my heart...?

Now I cry alone in the dark...

I lie awake...
I drive myself crazy...
Drive myself crazy..

Thinking of you..

Made a mistake..

When I let you go baby..

I drive myself crazy...

Wanting you the way that I do....

I was such a fool..
I couldn't see it....

Just how good you were to me..

You confessed your love..

Undying devotion...

I confessed my need to be free..

And now I'm left..

With all this pain..

I've only got myself to blame...

Why didn't I know it..?

How much I loved you baby...

Why couldn't I show it..?

If I had only told you...

When I had the chance...

Oh I had the chance...

2009-06-09T04:43:00.002+08:00

I cant believe you had the nerve to say the things you said...

They hurt so bad that they ended our relationship....

How I wish things would have happen so differently..

I tried to save as many times but still you couldnt see..

You kept insisting and resisting that you would not fall again....

2009-06-08T22:57:00.003+08:00

Constantly girl you're on my mind...
Girl I think of you all of the time...
And eventhough words are hard to say...
Girl I miss you..
Never thought I'd feel this way...

If you keep on taking,my heart you'll be breaking..
So why do you do this to me..?

Nobody is there when i call your name..
and nights so cold girl without your flame...
But if i could girl,I'd make you see,
That I'm sorry..

2009-06-02T04:45:00.003+08:00

Telah jauh terpisah diriku dan dirimu,

dalam ruang dan waktu...

Sendiri ku jalani sepiku tanpa dirimu...

Resahku tanpa hadirmu...

Sungguh berat hatiku merasakannya...

Bukannya ingin merantai dirimu..

Ataupun mengikat janji..

Masih ada banyak lagi harus kau pelajari..

Aku ingin kemesraan serta senyum keramahan..

Biar kekal berterusan tak hilang di tengah jalan...

2009-06-01T02:14:00.014+08:00

Last night,been taking all my stresses in the world out in the court..

Had a good game of 'sepak takraw' all night...

We had a good and loud laugh too..

HAHA..

And I look good in this video..

Im in the white shirt..

hehe..

After the games,we had pictures taken...

I pestered them into it..

HAHA...

These are some of the pics of some of my bros and me...

me at the centre with white shirt..

The abg2 brothers...hahaha posing for our latest album,'Kau jahannam malamku..."AHAHA

Smile WIDE!!!!( exceptional for Wan who looks gay behind.. )haha

For the first time in my life as a man,Danial carried me like a chic..HAHA!

BERUANG!!!ARGH!!!

I'm Gonna Kick Your Arse!!!

Thats just some of the pics..

My bros..

They always put a smile on my face..

And they understand why sometimes I get really crazy...

I love you guyz dudes..

2009-05-31T17:33:00.003+08:00

Ok buckle up!!

I'll be out for a while...

Meet some my brothers...

Alot of pressure in my head now...

So I need to have a breather...

Oya,just wanna tell you guyz...

There's this certain photographer who had offered to make a photo portfolio of me...

Hmm...

He's paying me on the contrary..

But heck,I need to think it through...

Work,Football,Family..

And now photography..

Wah...

Mati jugak aku...

I'll post again soon guyz!!

Chows!!

2009-05-31T17:09:00.007+08:00

Damn...

I have alot to say...

But I guess I have to control myself for now...

So yea...

Friday went out with my bestiee to RP to watch Lala dance..

That was the first time for me actually..
HAHA..

There was alot of dance groups and different types of dances...

Interesting...

Hip-hop,Malay Cultural dances and all...

Even salsa..

hahaha..

Dance galore!!

And Lala,good performance u had there...

You danced really well..

I'm really proud of you...

Happy Birthday Lillah Lala!!

You're officially 19 now..

Haha..

Cherish it...

Da jadi mak nenek dah..AHHAHA

Next,on saturday,

I had a friendly game with my social team and friends at Damai Secondary School...

Which to exact is located around Tampines...

Well,for the sake of bonding and fun,it doesnt matter...

Altho we lost 3-1 because of our complacency..

Well,at least we had fun...

Its been long since I played football with them..

Once in a while I have to break off from pro-football...

Here are some if the pics..

Hee....

The Whole Squad...FCAJ Team talk...
I had to do some trickery..Went pass 3 players..Woots!

Last but not least..Numbr 10 is the shit!!!

And there you have it...

As for now..

My mind is not at ease....

Damn it...

2009-05-29T17:04:00.001+08:00

PERNAHKAH KAU MERASA??!!!

2009-05-29T16:58:00.002+08:00

I don't know how long more i can be patient...
I just think I could snap anytime...
Just ANYTIME....
Haiz....

You like to treat me like an outcast do you...?
It just feels like I'm not valuable to you...
I feel your liability in life...

What the hell...
As for now,I will just look at and see what happens next..
I wanna see whats your next move..
Cause your next move will determine my decision...
Lets just see if you realise whats happening...
Cause it WOULD be a surprise...

All I need now is a little patience..

2009-05-29T16:47:00.001+08:00

SAKET HATI!!!!

ARGH!!!!

SERIOUSLY SAKET HATI!!!!

AKU MACAM NAK PECAHKAN SEMUA BENDA KAT RUMAH!!!

ARGH!!!!

2009-05-27T15:22:00.005+08:00

ok i should post this..
it really fascinates me a lot..
CAUSE ITS TRUE!!!

Girls....
Read it....
Compulsory...

1) Guys may be flirting around all day, but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about...

2) Guys are more emotional than you think, if they loved you at one point, it'll take them a lot longer than you think to let you go, and it hurts every second that they arent with u...

3) Guys go crazy over a girl's smile (:

4) A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to..

5) Giving a guy a hanging message like "You know what?..uh...never mind.." would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinkin. And he'll assume he did something wrong and he'll be obsessed about it trying to figure it out...

6) If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him... You don't need to give advice..

7) A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you..

8)GUYS LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU LOVE THEM!!!

9) Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. They rarely use beautiful or gorgeous. If a guy uses that, he loves you or likes you a whole heck of a lot

10)If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with you

11)If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back,he's probably faking it and he is really thinking about something

12) When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that

13)When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he's just actually saying, "Please come and listen to me"

14)If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn't happen that often, so when it does, you know something's up..

15) When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he's definitely thinking something

16) Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them...

17)A guy would give the world to be able to read a girl's mind for a day

18)No guys cant handle all his problems on his own. He's just too stubborn to admit it

19)NOT ALL GUYS ARE RUDE!!! Just because ONE is RUDE doesn't mean he represents ALL of them..

20)WHEN A GUY SACRIFICES HIS SLEEP AND HEALTH JUST TO TALK TO YOU, HE REALLY LIKES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE

21)Even if you dump a guy months ago and he loved you he probably still does and if he had one wish it would be you to come back into his life...

So you see girls..?
Guys have their soft side within..
Remember that..
Don't just be selfish and always make yourself such a bigshot...

We need to have an understanding between each other..
And don't make self pride take control..
Cause if you think the guy's action and words are always wrong,
you never know you are hurting them on the inside with your own pride...

2009-05-22T23:42:00.003+08:00

Setelah aku melihat kau berubah..
Tutur laku tiada lagi menjaga hati..
Apa lagi guna rahsia..?
Ku cuba pertahankan perasaanku,
Namun kau terus menduga..
Kesabaran ini dipersenda..

If You Keep On Takin'

My Heart You'll Be Breaking...

You're Stretching My Patience With Your Treatment...

Realise That Sooner...

2009-05-22T14:08:00.002+08:00

Fatigue has caught up with me these days...
What with all the jobs around the clock I'm having.
But heck,hahaha..
I'm too hyperactive...
My mum is in a helpless state right now..
So yea..

TIRED~~~
But I have to work harder on my first priority job..
FOOTBALL..
Tomorrow will be against Woodlands Wellington at Woodlands Stadium..
So if you guyz wanna watch me play,the game starts at 5pm...
Take care dudes...

2009-05-22T14:00:00.002+08:00

Another video just to share...
I'M A BIG FAN OF THEM..
A girl-band from the 90's...
so cute!!!
hahahaha..
And their songs are still sang till now...
Its rare girls nowadays sing like them you know...

wah CAIR OREADI....

2009-05-20T17:38:00.003+08:00

And thus I have to post sumthin today at least..

hahaha...

Training went on as usual..

Hard and intense..

There will surely be some bumps and bruises after training..

Eventho its just TRAINING..

And not even a MATCH...

hahahaha..

Well,i like training that way..

Hard and aggressive...

hee..

And still,i have to fight my position with the S.League guyz...

The striker and forward position is one of the most crucial position in a game...

and thats why Coach Aide always bring down some S.League players...

And it kinda frustrates me...

I'm better than them...

I know my own ability...
I just need the chance to show it..

Well,I'll keep on working hard..

Oh yeah one more thing..

I realise my fitness is decreasing...

I realise my fat ratio is increasing...

WHAT THE HELL!!!??

Must start doing intense training at the carpark again...

hahaha

And play more street soccer to improve my touches and vision...

yup thats what I'm gonna do...

And sayang...

Da demam panas gitu rehat banyak k..?

Get more Vitamin C and Fibre into your diet..

Whats with the H1N1 outbreak..

I'm getting really worried...

Drink lots of water to bring out the wastes in the body...

You have not been having enough rest and that could be one of the most possible reasons right now..

HAVE LOTS OF REST DEAR!!

i love you...

( wah..i sound like a girl... -_-" )

aite,I'll be out working out later on...

I'll update sooner or later aite..

chows guyz!

2009-05-20T16:33:00.003+08:00

hey guyz..
Would like to introduce you guyz to a song sang by a legendary singer at his last moments...
he sang it with full of emotion and meaning that its almost as if he knows he will be gone soon...
and guess what,i almost breakdown to tears everytime i listen to it...
i hope you guyz listen and feel the song..
and you will what i mean....
his name Sudirman..

semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat..
Insyaallah..
Al-Fatihah..
Amin...

2009-05-04T00:25:00.002+08:00

Kasih wajah kau ku jadikan azimat penguat semangat..

Bisaku gagahi cabaran yang datang..

Kasihku harap kau sudi maafkan aku yang meminjam wajahmu mengisi kekosongan hati...

Diriku yang semakin tenggelam ke dasar sepi yang tak bertepi...

Diriku yang semakin tenggelam ke dasar cinta yang tak bertepi..

Biarpun aku memejam mata,pandangan masih menggambar wajahmu..

Berseri dicermin hati,di taman impian yang kuimpikan..

Kasih wajah kau ku jadikan penyuluh..

Pabila malam gelap menyelimuti...

Kembara ku menjejak bahagia..

Dengan bayang malam ditindih malam..

Memerah ke titis akhir ketulusanku...

2009-04-25T02:08:00.001+08:00

Clutching My Cure...

I'm Trying To Catch My Breath Again....

2009-04-25T01:28:00.003+08:00

Tension is building inside steadily..
Everyone feels so far away from me..
Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me...
Trying not to break but I’m so tired of this deceit...
Every time I try to make myself get back up on my feet..
All I ever think about is this,
All the tiring time between,
And how trying to put my trust in you just takes so much out of me...

I am a little bit insecure,a little unconfident...
Cause you don't understand I do what I can but sometimes I don't make sense...
I am what you never wanna say but I've never had a doubt..
It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out...
So I let go watching you turn your back like you always do...
Face away and pretend that I'm not...
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I've got...

I don't want to be the one,the battles always choose
'Cause inside I realize that I'm the one confused...

I'll paint it on the walls...
'Cause I'm the one at fault...
I'll never fight again and this is how it ends...

2009-04-20T14:26:00.002+08:00

Its empty and cold without you here...

Too many people to ache over...

He who makes a BEAST out of himself,

Is rid of the pain of being a MAN....

2009-04-20T13:57:00.003+08:00

Damn...
I've been feeling restless...
I miss her so much...
Haiz....
I can't wait till we could meet up again dear...
I just love you so much...
Altho maybe you wouldn't believe me on that...
How my heart aches when I knew that first hand...
Well,patience Dzulhisham....
Visibilty of my sincerity is within my heart....
Maybe you can't see it yet....
I missed you so much Ana...

Moving on...
After game against Geylang United,
I realise I am improving in my game...
I'm playing quite well that day....
And I nearly scored my first GOALl!!
Alhamdulillah...
Well after the game,I asked Coach Aide what I need to improve on...
Awareness,First touch and Confidence...
These are the things I need to work on...
It takes time but I'll do my best...

I will not be on my comp for quite some time...
As I'll be busy looking after my injury...
and my mum too...

PS: Sayang,I think of you everyday....

2009-04-18T01:44:00.003+08:00

Why...?
Why must such things happen again...?
Why must I be in such dilemma again...?

Now,I'd best keep silent...
I don't blame her...
I understand her feelings...

But why must I always be caught in between again...

I just don't understand why...

Don't you trust me?

Don't you believe in me...?

I told you every honest answers that you wanted...

I wanted you to understand...

I don't want you to be calling me a LIAR...

I'm not.....

Please I'm not...

For every second that passes by,I want you to be happy...

I wanted you to know that I never take advantage of anyone...

Buy why...

I'm starting to get in a state of stress again...

It seems like deja vu again...

And how my heart ache so much...

Thinking that someone whom I love is hurt....

I'd rather keep silent...

I want you to be calm and happy...

But baby,you are not alone..

Altho we're far apart...

You're always in heart...

Its your choice now....

Trust me or don't trust me....

I've had enough of begging for someone's trust like before...

I love you and thats final...

2009-04-17T03:46:00.002+08:00

I've been feeling really tired these days...

Wow...

Morning and afternoon training....

It really take its toll on your body...

My legs are aching...

And I even got a hard knock on my previous fractured area...

Scary man....

I thought I'm gonna fracture my leg again...

Taknak siol....

Saket nak mampos...

Boleh nangis sak...

I'm still recovering from my knee injury still...

It still has sharp pains in it whenever I try to accelerate in my runs...

Damn...

I need more strengthening...

And I need to make my body much stronger...

So that I can challenge those freaking big defenders...

Well,things are going well for me in training...

I'm starting to get my pace back...

My confidence on the ball is also slowly coming back...

My touches is improving...

My hardwork is paying off slowly...

But I can't slack back now...

You can never say you're good enough...

There's always something to work on...

And now,I need to work on my headings,first touch and finishing....

I'm a striker man...My finishing should be much lethal than other outfield players....

I'll strive for the best for the present and future....

I'll never stop training hard...

2009-04-17T02:39:00.002+08:00

You are my only one and my everything...

2009-04-17T01:24:00.005+08:00

And the days pass by as I move forward to a new beginning..

And as those precious time and moments passes,I look back at those times...

Haha...

How wonderful....

And how unexpected...

It felt like it happened only just yesterday....

Now,everything is becoming more clearer to me...

With the presence of a precious diamond in my heart..

After a year and a half being ONLY friends...

With NO intentions of being lovers...

And its just unexpected...

Once before,I became a friend who gives advises to a friend in need,

when she feels down or having problems with situations...

And yeah,I kinda like a part time adviser and part time irritater..

But soon,she became silent...

Yeah..

She was working..

I could understand that...

Haha..

As friends,I missed talking to her...

Missed talking crap...

Missed BULLSHIT-ing with her...

She likes to call me a footballhead...( I'm a footballer as the name
states..haha..)

I call her KETOD!... ( Actually at that point of time,I didnt know whether she was small or not..)

I only missed her as a close friend at that point of time..

Until then one day...

She sms-ed me after 2/3 months of silence...

At that point,I was actually wondering if both of us could actually meet up...

Before I could ask that question,she asked first...Haha..

What a coincidence.....

After that moment,our relationship became much more closer...

I was telling myself before,not to fall in love...

But then,something about her struck my head...

Not her beauty..Not her hair or anything....

Its her personality...

It attracts me to her more and more every hour of seeing her...

In much aspects of her character,every part of her persona signifies me..

For that,I realise we had alot of common grounds...

In our way of life...

And in our way of dealing life...

It all much the same...

I was surprised to actually meet someone of the opposite sex to have the same persona as me...

So when I got to know all this,I became excited...

And...SERIOUSLY HAPPY...

All my life I've been searching for that one person who is the exact copy of my own persona..

Who could really stand my awkwardness and craziness...

Who understands that love is not always about physical intimacy but also about heart to heart intimacy...

All right,from there you guyz know what happened...

Yeah...

I really fell head over heels for her....

It happened so fast...

And now,I really love her so much...

Although we're not always close in distance,but we are always close in heart...

She became the new-found strength for me to strive further in life...

All my life I've been praying for someone like you...

And I pray that you feel the same way too...

Ana Farhana...I'll put my heart and soul into you...

I thank God I finally found you...

Ana Farhana...You'll be my light from now on...

May we be blessed with wonderful years in the future...

And always be together both in our heart and soul....

I really love you my dearest sayang....

2009-04-13T15:23:00.002+08:00

This Video Is Specially Dedicated To My Sayang,Farhana....
Hee..
Enjoy...

2009-04-12T01:45:00.002+08:00

Kita manusia biasa,tak lari dari suka duka..

Ikhlas dan kejujuran..

Perjuangan,pengorbanan,

Itu satu dorongan...

Ku disanjung dan dipuji...

Tak kurang dihina dan dikeji...

Tabahkanlah hidup ini..

Bagi ia yang mengerti cabaran yang mengharungiku...

Anugerah Tuhan tak siapa yang tahu..

Esok lusa siapalah aku...?

Bersyukur pada Illahi..

Penghormatanku pada smua..

Yang hilang akan berganti..

Yang patah akan bertumbuh lagi...

Itulah resam dunia...

2009-04-10T01:02:00.003+08:00

I finally found that someone who I really need in my life...

She opened my heart to love again after so long with her honesty,her sincerity and dedication...

Someone who is strong in her religion...

Someone who really respects her elders...

And someone who knows and only dedicates herself to the person whom she loves...

Farhana...

I never thought since that moment you open up my heart..

You gave me confidence that this emptiness I'm in is gone...

I promise ,I will protect this love of ours always....

I will always be loyal...

But please,don't make all the love that I give be wasted...

I will go every road that lies ahead with confidence just for you..

Believe me....

I promise.....

Farhana...You'll be my everything in my life...

2009-04-08T01:43:00.002+08:00

Pergilah rinduku..

Hilangkan dirimu..

Tak sanggup menanggung derita di kalbuku...

Dan,pabila esok datang kembali seperti sediakala di mana kau bisa bercanda..

Dan perlahan kau pun lupakan aku,mimpi burukmu,

Di mana telah ku tancapkan duri tajam...

Dan bukan maksudku,bukan inginku melukaimu..

Sadarkah kau di sini ku pun terluka,melupakanmu dan menepikanmu..

Lupakanlah saja diriku bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar dan berpijar seperti dulu kala...

Caci maki saja diriku bila itu bisa membuatmu kembali bersinar berpijar seperti dulu kala..

Maafkan daku,izinkan ku pergi...

2009-04-07T01:52:00.003+08:00

I've been training so hard...
But still I've not reach the level that I wanted...
I need to work even harder now....

Even The Best Fall Down Sometimes...

Next game against Balestier Khalsa FC...
On Sunday,5pm at Toa Payoh Stadium....
Come and watch it if you guyz want to...
I'll be the one with the jersey printed with the name "Dzul Sham" on the back...

I'm choosing between choices of love in my life...
I'm confused...
I don't want to hurt any party...
Some are even waiting for me and still hoping...
I don't want any of them to be hoping for me...
Haiz...
I'm in a tight situation...
Between love choices of my life....
Who?
Who should I choose...?
I have no idea...

Guess we'll have to wait and see what happens.......

2009-04-03T05:50:00.006+08:00

I've been hearing this song titled "Warisan Wanita Terakhir"..
Wow...
Such a meaningful song...
It tells about character of women in the world...
And how most men can be fallen not for the looks but from the beauty within...
Its great..Seriously...
And the singer sang it with utmost quality and expression...
Voice was great...
Now,it has become one of my fav song!!!
Woohoo...

And thus this song dedicated to every girls and women out there...
Hehe...
Especially those whom I know...

Listen and understand it...
hee

2009-03-30T00:48:00.002+08:00

Well Its My Birthday Today....

What Can I Say.....

2009-03-27T14:28:00.003+08:00

The weather is quite nice these days..

Especially for games of football and "sepak takraw"...

Such times in which I get to be with my brothers and share our problems and chats...

How I love those guyz...

They are the only people who understands and accepts who and what I am...

I sincerely from the bottom of my heart,I LOVE YOU brothers...

You guyz are my 3rd family after my blood family and my foster family...

When I was down and fallen,you guyz gave me the strength and confidence to go on...

Thanks dudes...

I wish and hopefully God give you guyz the happiness of this world always...

In addition,whenever all of ya are in need of help,I'll be around...

Trust me on that....

I always keep my promise...

On the other note,

I'm still striving to keep my dreams alive...

An S.League player...

Working hard till my limbs are all tired out...

Haha...

As always lar....

The experience of playing with the best in Singapore is unexplainable..

You get to learn new tips and other tricks of the trade of football..

And you'll also learn their true character outiside of the field...

One example is Indra Sahdan Daud,the legendary Singapore striker...

In the field,he will train like a hound but outside of the pitch,he will change into a different person..

He will laugh like a small kid and jump around like a child although he is now over 28 years old...

Imagine that...

At such a mature age married with 2 children,he still have that sense of fun and childishness in him...

Ahaha..

The eyes can be easily decieved by the cover of the book...

Back to my brothers,

You guyz will always be close to heart...

We will alwaes be brothers....

2009-03-24T12:05:00.002+08:00

I can't believe the trauma that I'm in...

I feel the pressure..

Its coming down on me,

And its turning me black and blue....

I can't believe the troubles that you've caused..

The pain is getting stronger,

Like an open wound without the gauze..

Its on my brain,

Driving me insane..

Its on my mind all of the time

And if it left I would define...

Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit..

Everytime I try to get myself up back upon my feet..

Everything is so blurry and everyone's so fake...

And everybody is empty and everything is so messed up..

Can anyone take all these pain away from me...?!

2009-03-23T19:31:00.005+08:00

Gotta use this lonely time to change the picture in this frame of life of mine.....

Percikan cinta dan curahan kasih menjadi tiang seri mahligai sejati..

Dan kasih sayang yang tidak terperi memberi cahaya yang menyala sepanjang hari...

Time seems to be short these days...

And I'm starting to reach to the point of limitations of my own energy level..

I can't believe my hyper-activeness is fading away!!

ARGH!

Hahah...

Now due to too much football,my legs are tired out..

Both my foot are having strains..

My knee is weakened...

And my neck aches alot..

But my mind is not even tired....

Its just pushing and pushing....

Wah...Mental strength i think they call it..

Hahaha..

I'm such a busy guy these days...

Wonder if it will be much worse in the future...

Cause if it does,I'll have no time at all for serious relationships...

Cause maybe my girlfriend would get fed-up of me...

Hmm...

AHHA..

I guess so..

Well,with all that yadayada,

I would like to tell about what I did yesterday...

Had a team briefing with the S.League squad at 8am..

Supposed to have training after that,but 'cabot'..Hahaha..

Then had a game with FCAJ brothers at Pasir Ris Crest Sec at 11am...

We won 3-2 although the pitch sucks to the core...

I got so fed up that I felt lazy to even play to my best..HAHAHA

I can't even control the ball propery man...!!

Next,went to meet my adek beradek angkat at Marsiling...

Played sepak takraw till 1am..

Went back home with my bro Ian and his newly found girlfriend...

Looking at them,I smiled...

How sweet they were holding hands...

I remembered how I did the same thing to my girlfriend a year ago..

Now,its just memories..

Ahahah...

Reached home at 2.30am..

What am I supposed to do with all the blues....

Hmm...

2009-03-21T16:29:00.002+08:00

These are the days...

When all that I can do is dream...

But I don't want to spend forever living in the in between...

I'm stuck here in a place without love...

And I just can't let it stay this way...

But for now I'm going to have to face it....

I realise I'm changing...Again...
Thats the effect of thinking too much...
I just can't help it...
But I know I'm still standing on reality....

2009-03-12T01:48:00.002+08:00

"I WANT TO SEE THE UNEXPECTED FROM YOU ISHAM!! "

Thats what the S.League coach,Jorge shouted to me in training...

He's showing me that he knows I am much better than what he sees...

I'll prove it to you coach....

I'll grasp the chance that you'll give me..

Don't stop moving forward....

2009-03-08T08:48:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's game was a trajedy for me...
It was the worse game of my life...
Altho I only played for a certain 2o mins but it was enough to leave a bad impression on the S.League coach...
*sigh*

I've been feeling sumthin is missing in my life..
Why........?

2009-03-02T23:35:00.004+08:00

After one distress,came another problem that makes my head ache so much..
Damn it...
Today's training was cancelled due to heavy rain..
That really stressed me as I was planning to throw out all of my distresses int the field...
But maybe God does not permit it..
*sigh*
After that,got to know one of my own teammate bad mouthed me to the others...
I got so down that I don't feel like socialising or speaking to anyone...

I gotta have my own time these days...
I have to plan myself for the worse...
My studies,career and family...
I have to get prepared...
Especially NS...

Soon,getting my pay cheque..
Gotta give some of it to my mum...
Nak dapat berkat katekn..
Altho she doesnt ask for it..
Next,new soccer boots...
Aiming for Predator Or AdiPure...
Or maybe Nike T90 Laser 2..
Still deciding though...

Wah..
Kinda jealous nowadays actually...
Most of my friends hae their own couple..
While I'm here stranded without anyone..
Aniway,Im not that desperate...
But I jus envy them...
They usually question me when I will have someone by my side..
I just smiled and said,"Insyaallah..."
They say I'm good-looking and all...
But looks does not really matter in reality..
I sumtimes hate my natural look..
But maybe theres a reason God gave me this ggift..
Syukur Alhamdulillah...

As for now,I'm gonna walk through loneliness for quite some time again..
Until,that wonderful day comes...
I'll just wait and move along...

2009-03-02T11:54:00.002+08:00

And thus,I have set another goal..
Never stop working hard and think positively..
I've had countless advises from two of the most experienced footballers in Singapore..
Yea..Both by Legends Indra Sahdan And Aide Iskandar..
By looking at their way of lifes,I took it as an example for my own life...
Willpower,Discipline And Dedication In Your Passion..
From now on,my mind will be focused...
Very focused to be exact..
I don't wish to take everyday for granted..
I don't want to disappoint myself again..

Just then again..
I think a misunderstanding happened between me and her again..
*sigh*
How and why could this happen...?
I myself am confused..
Maybe she heard alot of bad things about me...?
Just maybe..
Maybe bcos I was quite a flirt when I was secondary school..?
Well,I admit I was once...
But nevermind...
Its useless talking when they don't really see it for themselves..
This is why it is never easy to prove to others that you have changed..
For the better to be exact...
Alright then...
Believe what you may want to believe..
I can never change anyone's perception unless they want to change for themselves...

Fine then...
I'll keep silent...
If that is you want...
You're a headstrong girl...
I respect that...
I on the other hand,am a strong-willed guy...
May you realise what I truly am someday...
I am not what you could possibly realise...
I hope you have the best for yourself..
I'll be around when needed...

PS:Only the truth can speak out...

2009-02-27T05:15:00.005+08:00

My friends and brothers call me one of the craziest person in Singapore..
They also know that I can be the most knowledgeable person about religion,life,the world,the supernatural and lots more...
They either call me an "Ustaz" or a "Freak" when in the crazy state...
Hahaha..
In fact last night,they made me feel accepted and proud of my own self..
They accepted the different sides of me..
They knew of my compassionate side and serious side..
And even my craziest side....
But the thing they praised me the most was my father-figure side...

Danial,one of my brothers,praised my high patience and morality..
He said this,
"Sham,dalam banyak kawan aku ada,kaulah satu satunye yang aku kenal kesabarannye betul2 tinggi..First time aku kenal kau,aku ingat kau ni orang giler mane entah..Tapi sebenarnye kau ni hati mulia ehk...Aku bangga dapat kawan macam kau..."
I smiled and said,
"Alhamdulillah,pengalaman hidup ajar aku macam2 bro..."

Yes,my life experience has thought me alot...
Extreme sufferings,death,family violence and crimes...
I have honestly faced it all..
For a normal person,they would not usually think through what they have done...
As for me,I thank God for opening my heart early or I would be bringing destruction upon myself..
Honestly,thinking about the past would bring tears to my eyes..
All the past visions of violence and sufferings I have gone through is unspeakable...

Then,my other brother,Ian said,
"Sham,macamane kau boleh tahan ngan ni semua uh..Klau aku,aku da jadi gila siol...Aku tak faham uh kau...Cam gini pon kau bleh senyum..Orang kutuk2 kau pon kau layankan..Kau bleh senyum lagi..Klau aku,aku da sepak siol..."

Next he said,
"Tapi kau,Dan ngan Man lah yang aku harap boleh bimbing aku ke jalan yang benar...Aku nak belajar dari kaulah Sham...Segila gila kau pon,kau orang nye baik sangat hati...Aku heran lah..."

You know what?
When he said that,I felt myself wanting to cry..
I know maybe you guyz think that I'm emotional but thats what I am..
For me,its never wrong to show emotions...
We're human after all..
Thinking back,my heart feels both sad and happy..
I have changed alot throughout my life..
I'm glad people realised and praised who I am..
It shows how people appreciates me..
And it shows how much people accepts me...

The past should change you for the future...
But it depends on how you want the past to change you..
I thank God for giving me this journey of learning...
Life is valuable,treasure it..
Don't waste it on the thought of only enjoying and pleasure...
Yes,we're still young..
But what if the day comes when you're going to face death..
Do you still want to have fun dying...?
"The more you enjoy,the more suffering succumbs you..Limit yourself.."
I have quoted that to many of my friends..
But many can't accept it...
They still have the stereotype thinking of only enjoying life is important..
I would always reply that enjoying is part of life...
But have you ever thought of enjoying when facing the thought of difficulties..?
Many people will surrender to the thoughts of difficulties...
They have a weak willpower and faith...
Their mind are clouded with only happiness in mind...
But how can we have true happiness when we can't even face difficulties and sufferings...
No matter how beautiful life is,never take it for granted...
Praise it with limitations...
True pleasure comes from within...

For me,I enjoy life...
Everyone does..But I do it in a different way...
I make myself happy by becoming crazy..
At the same time,entertaining others...
In that moment of craziness,all the stress of the world would disappear slowly..
But when my friends need my advises,I would give the best for them..
Many would ask questions and I would answer them with true logic..
Cause with logic,people would understand better..
And thats where,they will start wondering about the facts..
Again,I'm glad they truely accepted who I am...

To that special person,
Give me a chance and I'll prove it to you...
But its always your choice...
I know its difficult for me and you...
This is reality...

2009-02-24T05:22:00.004+08:00